Wednesday, August 8, 2012


So the other day I nearly sliced my hand on the lock of our apartment. And after feeling quite woozy and nearly fainting (terrible I know!) , I had to get myself a freaking tetanus shot. On the day of actually taking the shot, it wasn't quite so painful but for these last couple of days it's been paining like crazy and I have had to take painkillers. Training has ended and now I'm actually excited for work to begin and see where this year takes me, really.

I haven't been blogging on this website because I had the "too many options" look but I'll be back to blogging again :)

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

I don't like how complicated blogger has become. One of the reasons I used blogger instead of wordpress was because of how easy it was to use blogger. This isn't the cheeriest way to begin a blogpost after a pretty long hiatus. And now, everytime I need to log on to blogger I google "blogger login" and only then do I manage to actually log in. Gah!

Amidst all of this whining, let me tell you that I'm moving cities yet again. This time I am going to be in Delhi.  The sweltering heat here is killing me. I wonder what's going to happen to me when I get to Delhi?

It's just so strange that I ended up going to Delhi after all. The first time I thought I was going to stay there was when I got into LSR, and then came back here to study in  Calcutta. Academically it was a fantastic decision, one I haven't regretted since. Emotionally, maybe not so much.

As trite as this sounds, so much has changed in those five years that I feel like I've been living my life in fragments scattered all over the place. I was a confident eighteen year old absolutely sure about the fact that all I ever wanted was to be a journalist. And my friend A who I've written about so many times over the course of these five years wanted me to be in Delhi. Would be fun, he had said.

And then he finished college, as did I. I moved to the UK and he moved to the states. And now I'm going to be in his city. And he isn't going to be there. The good thing though is that a whole lot of my other friends are. And here's hoping that a city-known to be mean and gritty and harsh- treats me with kindness.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012


So I'm possibly moving to Delhi in June and am starting a new job. It's too early to actually write anything about it but I definitely will, in time. All I can say is that I'm super excited about it and am now focussing on finishing some writing and having fun. I've travelled a fair bit this year, first to the Sundarbans with my friends and then to China. A trip to Delhi is in the offing as is another trip. Not that I'm complaining at all. After school ended, I'd dreamt of a gap year and although this hasn't been a gap year, in some ways it definitely felt like one. I was completely burnt out from exhaustion and being unhappy with the way a lot of things in my life were. The last year or so has certainly helped me gain perspective and I view things very differently now than when I began. This next trip will possibly be my last holiday in at least a year, so might as well make the most of it. I'm going to go visit my sister Raka and that is always lovely.

Personally, I have stopped blaming myself for something that went horribly wrong and I feel like I've really grown up. Earlier I'd spend days scrutinising every little detail, trying to understand what it could have been. I know that retrospectively I will understand what the reason is, however excruciating it is now.

Monday, March 19, 2012

Being there for loved ones

I have not written anything even remotely connected to what I'm doing right now because making jobs applications and then talking about them is actually utterly boring. I was talking to a friend right now, who forgot to call me. I waited for his call all day. And when he didn't call, it hurt me very much. I felt abandoned. Sounds really silly and everything, but that is the truth. And this other boy I love- not to be confused with the first person I mention here- have been bickering constantly and consistently over the last couple of years. We've known each other eleven years and you'd think that that is enough time to simply sort issues out. Instead, I've just been vicious and mean and everything I would not want to be to another person.

When someone hurts me, my first reaction is always being defensive. This? hurt me? Pah, I'm made of stronger stuff. You forgot my birthday? So what, big deal. I'm not silly enough to fret over it. But it registers at the back of my mind until things start accumulating with increasing frequency. Take this specific instance. Didn't come visit me in summer= does not care about me at all. Turns out tickets were just too expensive and scheduling was tight. I was relatively free and could easily have gone and visited but my olympian-sized id (that's the correct term, not ego!) got in the way. What made me even more mad was the fact that he always hung up when someone else called. I'm pretty sure I've done that loads of times with my friends but when someone did it to me, I couldn't handle it. And finally, the big red cherries on this magnificent cake- if you don't care-or more accurately if you don't care about me on my terms- I'm going to show you I don't care even if it tears me from inside. Because I'm really a strong person, see?

A year ago, I'd have denied all of this. But I just feel like it's time for me to stop behaving like a two year old.  Someone I'm really close to now feels like nobody cares about her, nobody is there for her and it just isn't true.

Sometimes being on the other side of the table brings you clarity. That said, I guess I should be more vocal about things that hurt me rather than react in this fashion. Keeping it all inside and trying to track patterns in another person's behaviour is even worse. In this particular instance, I've really really gone overboard and I foresee no chances of repairing, but this is a lesson I've learnt and I will consciously work towards repairing it in future. This equation has meant the world to me and while It hasn't been all me, I've played a rather active role in ruining things. Lesson to be learnt from this.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

Beautiful stranger

You will always be beautiful.With your sparkle and your zest. With your shyness and your contempt.With every glint, there have been tales. Tales of valour. Tales of loss. You will always be beautiful. With your laughter and your dreams. With your passion and your courage. With your quiet strength and your silly humour.And I will always love you.Ally,Object of affection, Stranger.

Foo Fighters - Home (Pixar)

Better together- Jack Johnson

Monday, March 12, 2012

After a few very frustrating months, I am finally making headway with my research project. Gathering sources and verifying data has been so incredibly difficult. In the meantime, I bought this lovely salwar kameez for myself. I really like the greens and reds of this kurti and I think I might want to wear more colourful things such as this. S- one of my two best friends from school- as a treat for me having worked so hard, dropped off rajma and kari for me to have for dinner. I think it's possibly my favourite comfort food. My dad keeps reminding me that it's the U.P. in my veins that keep acting up.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

Meghu and other Tales

February has been a hectic month, and one full of worry-at least the beginning of it-but March promises to be much more fun. I've been putting the finishing touches to my research project ( I'm working on The Bengal Famine) and applying for jobs and being put through grilling interviews. The fun is back in my life as well, but for how long, I don't know. The good thing about being home is not having to stress about every minute detail of my life so I can actually focus on things I enjoy doing too. The interviews are actually quite intimidating, and I know I need to improve on my skills to do better at them, but it's a start and I'm quite happy with it.

One of the joys of my life is my niece Meghna, a beautiful tot with big eyes and a sparkling smile. The owl you see in the blogpost below is for her, and then there's a cat and a fish that I drew for her. It's so exciting to actually have a baby grow up right in front of my eyes, especially such a squishy baby. 

I'm also going to get back to blogging. I haven't written in a long while and this is a good time to get back to it. More soon!

Friday, February 3, 2012

“As with a wound on one's own body, it is possible to develop an intimacy with the most disturbing of things”  -
Kazuo Ishiguro

Thursday, February 2, 2012

My sentiments exactly

...Whoever came up with this is a certified genius

Friday, January 20, 2012


The last year has been extremely hectic and very eventful, to say the least. I had my fair share of struggles, had snippets of fun, fell in love (And HOW) and changed directions slightly, from what I had originally expected. In many ways, it was a year of learning and a year that taught me humility.

From living in London, I am back to living in Calcutta. London was great and a fantastic experience and who knows, I may even go back at some point but for the next couple of months at least, I'm based here. I'm part of a really cool and exciting research project and I love the professor that I'm working with. Like I've mentioned earlier in this blog, I hope to do something public policy related.

As far as  writing is concerned, I haven't written anything that I submitted for publication in a year- except for the Tehelka piece I put up and another Chicken Soup story, this time it's one about my brother. I've decided to write one for every single person I love so yes, I am cheesylikethat. 

Today, I go back to writing a rather serious piece- one that I've been thinking about for quite a while. I hope this year is the year that I really improve my writing skills and craft well told tales. I'm also working on a couple of fellowship/ internship applications, ones that will propel me towards a career in public policy.

What have you guys been upto?

Thursday, January 19, 2012


( Written during my time in London)

The fragrance of the strawberries wafts in the air. Delicate white hands smoothen out the bitter chocolate. Enmeshed with crepes, the afternoon sun seems bittersweet. For an instant, the draught chills their bones. The twinkle of an eye, a gradual grin and softness bursts into song. The moment seems fragile.

The pigeons hover about the marketplace, looking for crumbs. Amidst the drowsiness and the pallor, there is exchange of conversation. Subtly at first, followed by a gush of emotions when they talk about their mutual love for well-worn books.

The tube is crowded. In a whirl of colours, the two find themselves sitting beside each other, eliciting odd stares. They talk about their hopes, their dreams, shattered fragments. They talk about lives lost. He talks about his family, how no one knew where his grandfather was in the aftermath of the tragedy.

He asks her if she misses home. She does, she tells him. She misses the people. She misses her jamrul tree. When she asks him what it is that he misses about home, he says it is the river that flows downstream in Kyoto and the quiet mountains.

They sit down to drink coffee. They discuss samurais and comics books. As the sun begins to set,  two strangers  discover an unknown land that neither can call home. 

Both have fire in their eyes and  wonder in their hearts.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

My New Year resolution this year does not involve any lists. This year I will do exactly what I want and see where it takes  me. Happy New Year all of you. May 2012 be amazing for all of us :)