(Thank you to my friends Homer and Anumita who thought I should absolutely write about this. Here it is)
An ex-boyfriend once commented on how fat and unattractive I was. Luckily for me, he is the only boyfriend to have ever said something so nasty and insensitive, but I am pretty certain that he is not the only person out there who has treated his partner badly. There are all forms of abuse and this is definitely one form. I would say that I am a fairly confident person and I do not usually take peoples' snide remarks to heart. But I want to know from other women (if they are willing to disclose, of course), have they experienced more hurt when the insults have come from someone who they have dated/ been with?
This wasn't all. My writing was torn down and I was called names. Toxic relationships are awful and the worst part is not being able to get out of them. Mine lasted for almost one and a half years and once I was out of it, I could feel the breeze on my face, stare at the blue sky and appreciate all the things I used to appreciate. I didn't know that this could suck the life out of me. I am prone to depression in any case (and I don't mean it in a casual sense. I have had problems with it before) and this did not make things better for me.
I Know I felt terrible about my body and myself and in trying to deal with it, I did two things. a. I wrote detailed letters to my best friend who handled me with kid gloves at the time and b. I took pictures of myself every single day. On some days, I looked nice, some days I thought I looked not so nice, but I made peace with who I was. And who I am. And what I looked like.This idea wasn't entirely original. My aunt once told me that one of the Gender Studies majors at one of the universities she teaches in once did a project on girls' bodies where she asked individuals to take pictures of themselves for a period of three months and submit them anonymously. The idea behind the project was to ensure that all sorts of bodies, shapes and sizes are appreciated.
However, I did deal with it and I have lots and lots of pictures of myself ( I hate taking pictures but I took one picture everyday for the entire year) and if anyone wants me to put them up, I will.
Comments
Having someone whom you have been with to tell you about how "ugly" you are can be emotionally scathing and can have repercussions in ways more than one. Noone and i repeat can make you feel that way unless you want them to be because at the end of the day we are beautiful just the way we are. Yes we may not be the perfect supermodel that you dream of (or you want us to become) but that does not make us any less beautiful.
I was in a terrible relationship and the guy I was dating left no stone unturned to make me hate myself.
He had called me 'ugly' a few million times and even tried to physically abuse me.
For a long time after I left him, I was really unsure of myself. I did not write, go out. I even distanced myself from people I loved.
Almost a year after the break up, I changed cities - joined college, made new friends. I think time purges us of people who aren't worth it.
Today I feel beautiful, and I have someone in my life who makes me feel beautiful despite all the dark circles and plumpness.
I truly believe that you really need to love yourself before you can expect someone else to love you!
I know this is not the last time I will write about this, but I will definitely not let anyone else treat me like this ever again.