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Hello!

2012-01-20T01:25:00.000-08:00

The last year has been extremely hectic and very eventful, to say the least. I had my fair share of struggles, had snippets of fun, fell in love (And HOW) and changed directions slightly, from what I had originally expected. In many ways, it was a year of learning and a year that taught me humility.

From living in London, I am back to living in Calcutta. London was great and a fantastic experience and who knows, I may even go back at some point but for the next couple of months at least, I'm based here. I'm part of a really cool and exciting research project and I love the professor that I'm working with. Like I've mentioned earlier in this blog, I hope to do something public policy related.

As far as writing is concerned, I haven't written anything that I submitted for publication in a year- except for the Tehelka piece I put up and another Chicken Soup story, this time it's one about my brother. I've decided to write one for every single person I love so yes, I am cheesylikethat. I also have a swanky new website http://reetiroy.com/ and am available for hire :D :D

Today, I go back to writing a rather serious piece- one that I've been thinking about for quite a while. I hope this year is the year that I really improve my writing skills and craft well told tales. I'm also working on a couple of fellowship/ internship applications, ones that will propel me towards a career in public policy.

What have you guys been upto?

Afternoon

2012-01-19T09:33:00.000-08:00

( Written during my time in London)

The fragrance of the strawberries wafts in the air. Delicate white hands smoothen out the bitter chocolate. Enmeshed with crepes, the afternoon sun seems bittersweet. For an instant, the draught chills their bones. The twinkle of an eye, a gradual grin and softness bursts into song. The moment seems fragile.

The pigeons hover about the marketplace, looking for crumbs. Amidst the drowsiness and the pallor, there is exchange of conversation. Subtly at first, followed by a gush of emotions when they talk about their mutual love for well-worn books.

The tube is crowded. In a whirl of colours, the two find themselves sitting beside each other, eliciting odd stares. They talk about their hopes, their dreams, shattered fragments. They talk about lives lost. He talks about his family, how no one knew where his grandfather was in the aftermath of the tragedy.

He asks her if she misses home. She does, she tells him. She misses the people. She misses her jamrul tree. When she asks him what it is that he misses about home, he says it is the river that flows downstream in Kyoto and the quiet mountains.

They sit down to drink coffee. They discuss samurais and comics books. As the sun begins to set, two strangers discover an unknown land that neither can call home.

Both have fire in their eyes and wonder in their hearts.

2012-01-04T09:32:00.001-08:00

My New Year resolution this year does not involve any lists. This year I will do exactly what I want and see where it takes me. Happy New Year all of you. May 2012 be amazing for all of us :)

Bhaiyadada

2011-11-26T00:06:00.000-08:00

( What I wrote for him)

How can one even begin to sum up twenty two years in a few short paragraphs? For twenty two years, I have had the privilege of sharing my life with a man I lovingly called Bhaiyadada. One of my earliest memories of him would be during the sweltering summer months, when I would come home from kindergarten and sure enough, there would be a mango ice lolly waiting for me in the refrigerator. Unlike other grandfathers, Bhaiyadada never bought the lollies- he made them himself, storing the mangoes in a specific way and ensuring that his grandkids got to savour the most delicious ice lollies that he had almost magically concocted. Ice lollies apart, he was also a fabulous cook and my siblings and I will remember many a Sunday afternoon when he cooked his famous chicken rezala with rice.

With his saucy wit and sharp sense of humour, he would often regale me with stories about football matches during his time in Murshidabad and during his college days. While being extremely critical and analytical about misdemeanours, he was always someone who was kind to animals and birds, to trees and to those in need. He always told me to fight for what I believed in, even if it meant going against the wishes of everyone else. He told me about how oppressed he felt as a young boy, having to wear formal clothes in order to attend classes with his tutors, something that he found so disdainful that later on in life he would only be seen in his Panjabi and pajama and sometimes, his trademark lungi.

Bhaiyadada was a man of great resilience. Even while his eyesight weakened, I remember him insisting that he come to the Boimela with me. Even though I was apprehensive at first, his characteristic stubbornness won me over and I remember walking through the dusty Maidan with him as he slowed down, gasping for breath. Everytime I asked him if he wanted to go back, he would reply, “Aami ekdom theek acchi.” After the book fair haul, I remember reading some of the books aloud to him.

His sharp mind and his thirst for knowledge never really disappeared. Even in his last days, my grandmother would read him passage after passage from his (and sometimes her) favourite books.

He touched many peoples’ lives, and often very silently. In this very difficult time and in a faraway land, the one thing that makes me strong is his sparkling smile and the twinkle in his eye when he would said, “Ekdin jokhon aami thakbo na, tokhon aami norok theke toke dekhte pabo.”

Article in Tehelka

2011-11-25T11:01:00.000-08:00

Since I often write about my (sometimes nonexistent) love life and do it rather uninhibitedly and don't censor myself, I thought I'd share this piece. It's been published by Tehelka and was quite difficult to write, especially because it involved shedding light on some intricate details of my life. I was very pained during the process of writing it, having just lost my grandfather to cancer and was not speaking to the person I have alluded to in this piece. Things have normalised since- well, as normal as grief and death can ever be. I promised myself however that no matter what I go through in life, I will always try to make sense of it by writing down my thoughts. Many times, it will simply be my subjective hurt view, but I will continue to write about the happy things and sad.

The picture you see in the main piece is ironically exactly how I felt when I walked across the streets of London alone. I hope I continue to speak about my life in the hope that some kindred spirit will have felt what I have and some other people can also relate to it.

This is also my first byline under Rhea Roy

http://www.tehelka.com/story_main51.asp?filename=hu031211PERSONAL.asp

Updates

2011-11-20T23:08:00.000-08:00

The best friend-whom I've been best friends with since I was three and lived not even a block away from- now has an unlimited India calling card. When skype conks, that is what we resort to. Earlier, when I was in the U.K and she was in Kolkata, I had a similar strategy. Bitching on an ISD call just seems sort of wrong, somehow. But does that stop us?

In other news, please pick up the December issue of Tehelka. I have a piece there. I also have pieces in a couple of anthologies (one of them being a really great literary anthology that I'm really proud of!) which I will write about when published.

Submitting my dissertation in two days. More blogging soon!

Cambridge

2011-11-17T08:41:00.000-08:00

After reading Julie's blog where she asks her roommate about a specific city, I decided to ask Rudrani, my travelling companion on that trip (and many future trips to come) and friend extraordinare what her memories of Cambridge were. Here's what she had to say :

I have always prided myself on never missing a single train, or bus for that matter. I mean those on long distance journeys, of course. The only time I would have broken that prized record, I ended up stalling a National Express coach along with Reeti. This trip was a culmination of quite a few days of planning and a few minutes of extra snoozing almost cost us this expedition. I still remember me frantically begging the coach driver to wait just for a couple of seconds as Reeti sped behind me at Flash-like speed to make it. The other passengers looked on in amused indifference. We plonked ourselves onto the seats, huffing and puffing.

In a couple of hours we landed in sunny Cambridge and pottered around the town. The place had a quaint, old-world charm. I remember the both of us walking down the length of Cambridge and then remarking how small the place was. I guess we had become used to the bewildering labyrinth that was London. One enduring image is that of us strolling by the Cam river and basking in the late autumn sunshine.

Having been suitably chastised by our earlier encounter with Time, we decided to make it back to the coach station well in time. After all, tempting Fate all over again after a heavy meal of Thai curry followed by hot chocolate seemed quite impossible.

(This feels like putting together a jigsaw puzzle. Stay tuned, I will write my version soon.)

Sweetness

2011-11-16T09:02:00.000-08:00

Everyone close to me knows my aversion for and complete fear of math. However, the nicest thing said to me today was this : You have me, Shreya and X to help you do math, what is your problem?

All three are math whizzes But X, do you understand what's happening? Everyone's rooting for you man! :) ( And you already have some Very Important People on your side i.e me)

Which is a good thing really. I miss you and I can't wait to see you. You screw up big time and on a regular basis, you're the zaniest and most random person I've ever known.

Also, I hate it when you ask me to look up wikipedia when you know you're supposed to give me the tour of a place! But your general idiocy aside you're not too bad, actually . You for one will never question my love for Rahul Dravid.
Keep adding to that word doc. We really do need to go on that world tour when we're 30. And no plonking people in the Atlantic Ocean, please.

Taking a chance

2011-11-14T11:30:00.000-08:00

It takes great courage to do something that one is fearful of. I don't think I rank high on the list of courageous people.Sometimes it takes someone close to you to tell you to take that leap. To do what you've always wanted to do. They don't assure you that you will not fall, but they do remind you that not taking your chances will make you deeply regret consequences. All of us have childhood dreams that we often shove aside, thinking that it's too impossible, beyond us to achieve. Beginning January 2012, I will try living that dream. It seems to me like an impossible dream now, but I will always wonder "what-if", if I don't do something about it.

New Blog!

2011-11-09T05:03:00.000-08:00

My friend The soliloquist once described me as being "cheesier than a cheeseburger". This was way back in my first year at college and I vehemently denied her claims. However, turns out that she was right and I often have a ton of things to say that I don't say on this blog. I always have a ton of things to say, but that's beside the point really. So please check out my new blog The Story of Strange Things and follow me there, please! Thank you :)

2011-11-07T13:14:00.000-08:00

My blog finally looks how I want it to look. Same design, only more jhinchaak and as they say, with more razzmatazz.

Heard Joseph Stiglitz speak today. He only validated what we've all been thinking so far- 'lack of bank regulations and the wrong politics' can ruin a country. ( side note- I hardly ever speak about my own politics on this blog, and I am beginning to think that this is very irresponsible of me. I don't usually say anything in blogspace, because right wing rhetoric really pisses me off and I can't relate to it at all.It also makes me hate the person propounding it and instead of trying to put forth a reasoned argument, I lose my temper and scream and shout. That isn't a good excuse not to write, though. I promise to be far more vocal in the months to come.) However, the good news according to Stiglitz is that India, which is a service oriented country will do better during the recession thanks to our services (think IT sector) and our banks being regulated. That said, the inequalities and injustices in India are far worse than say the United States. The first step is to try and bridge the divide between the haves and the have nots.

Updates

Also, I'm splitting my byline. All frivolous articles and stories I write for fun and other exciting thingummies ( did you know I can make toys and like to write about them sometimes?) will be published under Rhea Roy. My academic and journalistic stuff will be under Reeti Roy, as usual.

I am on the final edits of my dissertation and working on a couple of interesting projects. What have you guys been upto?

Excerpts from an actual letter, to a friend

2011-11-01T10:33:00.000-07:00

Thought of sharing this with those who might be interested in studying in the U.K and on a more general level, applies to anyone living away from home for the first time.

Being in London has been exceptionally difficult. Not because of the students, not because of my university, not because of the women and men in pearl green woolover sweaters, suede suits or sharp jackets, but the people I see every day on the streets (more on that later). I live near Russell Square, in a place called Cartwright Gardens, which is a half hour walk from the University. The halls are mostly made up of undergrads and even though they are a lot of fun, they have a lot more time than we do, during term time. The postgrads are very isolated individuals- our schedules are all different and we hardly ever see each other so fostering friendships becomes near impossible. We all know each other, but it’s mostly light-hearted conversation (which is good too), but not as much interaction as I might have liked.

R and some other Masters students in the U.K. tell me that this typifies the British education system and, in many ways, is the reflection of the ethos that encompasses it.

What has made me even more confused after coming here is that I don’t even know what my primary identity should be- journalist, academic, policy analyst, human rights worker and for all these years, I was so sure that I wanted to be a journalist first and everything else later. The International Press certainly needs more people with a holistic understanding of the media and people who can think incisively but also synthesize all that information. I feel like a misfit both amongst journalists and academics. For the former, I am too intellectual and for the latter, I am much too pragmatic. It’s a role that I’ve really enjoyed so far and not had to choose from.

As completely geeky as this sounds, I enjoy intellectual rigor immensely and going to classes, listening to lectures about the environment, public health, history, geography, anthropology, the environment, as well as public policy has been nothing short of an enriching experience. Even though I feel like I should be working from next year, I know I want to go back and be a research scholar. The rigorous practice of actually writing ethnography will drive me insane, but it’ll do two very important things for me- know how to do rigorous research and defend it, write and impress an academic audience. It will also give me more credibility to work in International Organisations and being a specialist always helps. Also, I don’t feel like I’m completely done with school.

The thing is, one of my childhood dreams has been to go to _ journalism school and I don’t know how I will factor both of them in. Fun fact: did you know that a PhD in the U.K takes three years but most people fund their own PhDs. That’s a complete no-go for me, and unless I get funded, I’d probably have to. I guess I’d probably want my primary job to be that of a researcher and public policy analyst and that would free up some time for writing. I don’t think I can not write. On really dark days, playing with words is all I really know.

Working with X is actually one of the redeeming features of the week. Every day, I see ordinary people -people like you and I-wearing tattered clothes, with paint on their faces and pencils tucked behind their ears, sweating it out. There’s this boy I see every day, he’s about eighteen and if given a choice, he’d probably want to go to college as well. He often stops me on the street and asks me about what I study and I think he’s quite a bright spark- and then I think about all the people back home, who should get an education and are not, it makes me very sad. And the lack of humanity is also very disconcerting. I hope I don’t grow into one of those people who shuts everything out and never does anything constructive by way of ensuring that kids are educated and well looked after. And working with children of refugees actually makes one understand how destitute these kids really are, unsheltered, unprotected, not knowing what tomorrow holds for them. Some children have never known their own homes, being carried from one shelter to another; they come from countries like Ghana, Somalia, Sri Lanka, Sudan, The Ivory Coast.

Many of their parents have been intellectuals in their own country, they have spoken out against dictatorial regimes, they have condemned massacres, some of them will be executed as soon as they set foot on their home soil again. Most of these people are Asylum Seekers i.e. those who have not even been granted Refugee Status. Some are condemned because of their homosexuality and others, because of their religion.

As I write this, two people outside my window are stacking up multicoloured books and strewing flowers on the pavement. Thank you for making me actually write this- it helped me put things into perspective.

Lalala!

2011-11-01T10:20:00.000-07:00

I woke up feeling like this. Not smug, not happy but horrendously impish. And then proceeded to get on with my day. This picture was taken in my room in London, and with the inbuilt camera of my computer. The background is a dupatta that I hung on the wall of my room so that it would look cheery and I wouldn't feel too sad or lonely in the cold. I have already talked about how last year was not the easiest for me, but I am slowly discovering that there are all kinds of things that I feel excited about and am beginning to learn. Especially things that one can create-jewellery, bags, cartoons, handmade notebooks. My new blog, the story of strange things will document that, and travels, and all the interesting things I read. I would want this blog to be simply about what's going on in my life and have a separate one that is more funky and fun. Also, I haven't cheated on my blog even once. I have remained utterly faithful. I am not a serial blogcheater. Repeat after me, I am NOT a serial blogcheater.

Dealing with low self esteem/ bad body image

2011-10-28T12:18:00.000-07:00

(Thank you to my friends Homer and Anumita who thought I should absolutely write about this. Here it is)

An ex-boyfriend once commented on how fat and unattractive I was. Luckily for me, he is the only boyfriend to have ever said something so nasty and insensitive, but I am pretty certain that he is not the only person out there who has treated his partner badly. There are all forms of abuse and this is definitely one form. I would say that I am a fairly confident person and I do not usually take peoples' snide remarks to heart. But I want to know from other women (if they are willing to disclose, of course), have they experienced more hurt when the insults have come from someone who they have dated/ been with?

This wasn't all. My writing was torn down and I was called names. Toxic relationships are awful and the worst part is not being able to get out of them. Mine lasted for almost one and a half years and once I was out of it, I could feel the breeze on my face, stare at the blue sky and appreciate all the things I used to appreciate. I didn't know that this could suck the life out of me. I am prone to depression in any case (and I don't mean it in a casual sense. I have had problems with it before) and this did not make things better for me.

I Know I felt terrible about my body and myself and in trying to deal with it, I did two things. a. I wrote detailed letters to my best friend who handled me with kid gloves at the time and b. I took pictures of myself every single day. On some days, I looked nice, some days I thought I looked not so nice, but I made peace with who I was. And who I am. And what I looked like.This idea wasn't entirely original. My aunt once told me that one of the Gender Studies majors at one of the universities she teaches in once did a project on girls' bodies where she asked individuals to take pictures of themselves for a period of three months and submit them anonymously. The idea behind the project was to ensure that all sorts of bodies, shapes and sizes are appreciated.

However, I did deal with it and I have lots and lots of pictures of myself ( I hate taking pictures but I took one picture everyday for the entire year) and if anyone wants me to put them up, I will.

The Hair, it flies!

2011-10-27T04:42:00.001-07:00

Thank you

2011-10-19T23:31:00.000-07:00

A journalist that I respect very much-Mridu Khullar Relph- and I started chatting when I chanced upon her blog and wrote her an email telling her about my work as a journalist who had just started out. We struck up a friendship and Mridu went out of her way to advise and help me. What it made me realise though is that sometimes, all you need to do is reach out and politely ask for help.

There are a lot of people in the world who are really interested in your work and wish to help you further your goals. Two other people who have been instrumental in furthering my writing goals are Julie Schwietert Collazo and David Miller. Julie ran the Matador Change website and I had first pitched an article to her about Social Entrepreneurs in India. Slowly, we began exchanging emails and discussing everything from Arundhati Roy to the "Day of the Dead". David has painstakingly edited my travel narratives and once gave me a very important piece of advice about my writing-he said to me "don't front" i.e write in as authentic a manner as possible.

Another person I must mention here is the lovely Alyssa Martino. Alyssa and I are writing buddies and often check in on each other specifically in terms of our work- often editing each others' works and pushing each other. Rudrani and I also run our works by each other before we actually submit something.

The other day, while I was working on my dissertation I realised that I needed to understand the concept of boredom far more intricately than I know, for now. I had heard about an urban ethnographer with an interest in space and place, and knew that he may have insights that I might be able to use in my own dissertation. He wrote back within three days with a complete list of citations and other people that he had worked closely with,that I might want to contact.

From last year, I have also been receiving emails almost every other day about how to get published or how to apply for specific scholarships. I reply to every single email without fail, even if I feel like I am stretched for time because I know the thousands of people who were once unknown to me, but who have become great friends and have helped me in the past and continue to help me, support me, give me invaluable advice and act as mentors. Many of my closest friends have volunteered to read drafts of things I write, comment on them, critique them and correct typos for me- all because they wanted to ensure that I can put forth my best work. All my professors have been ever-ready to speak to me and give me advice about academic concerns whenever I have been confused in terms of what my next step should be.

Literary work, journalistic writing and academia can often be isolating processes. It's great to have the help and support of your mentors and peers. This post is just to let all of you know what a huge part you have played and continue to play in my growth as a writer and as a person.

:)

2011-10-19T22:55:00.001-07:00

Yay yay yay!

2011-10-18T09:11:00.000-07:00

After scouring the internets the Entire day, I can tell you the name of the book. Shabinay Nibedan (Ananda Publishers)which rougly translates as "respectfully submitted". In the process of looking for the book, I finished reading Ektu Ushnotar Jonyo and Shukher Kacche. (If anyone wants PDFs, let me know. I'd be happy to send them across)

I finally know which book my literary antecedent belongs to :D

Forests

2011-10-17T10:17:00.000-07:00

I have never been to a forest in my entire life. I don't exactly know why that is, and I've always envied my friends whose parents/ relatives have worked for the forestry department. My own great-uncle, who we lovingly call Cchordada, spent a great many years in the forests. My parents have thousands of stories to tell about their days in different forests of the country but after my siblings and I were born, we have never ever visited one or even gone close to one.

One of the things that I want to do in the almost immediate future is to go to one of the forests in India ( recommendations, please!)

Part 2 of this story is even more interesting. I was named after a character in a book that was published in serialised form in Desh Patrika. The story was written by Buddhadeb Guha, a Chartered accountant who is also a very well-known author in Bengal. The woman in the story, the protagonist was called Reeti Roy and she was a really stubborn woman with a bit of a feminist streak who visits a forest for the first time in her life. There she meets a handsome forest officer called Rajarshi ( Alas, I know NO Rajarshis- the one I know is like my uncle!) who is a fabulous cook, listens to the greatest music on earth, is slightly sarcastic and is a bit of a poet. She leaves something behind in the forest bungalow and from then onwards begins an exchange of letters.

The entire book is written in epistolary form. I cannot for the life of me remember the name of the book. If any of you happen to have read it, please let me know. I want to re-read it. Anyway, I identified with the girl very much and the man i.e Rajarshi wrote very nice letters. That would be Such an excellent way to be chased! Subtle and discreet, but very effective, nevertheless :P

Baba, who decided to name me after the character, gave the book to me on my 16th birthday. I was a little bit scared to read the book, lest I really dislike it. But turns out- I loved it. Well, if I find out the name of the book, I shall buy it from Flipkart and read it again. I distinctly remember that there were vivid descriptions of the forest in the book. I don't know why, but I'm dying to visit a forest and see Elephants with huge tusks. They are called tuskers, I think.

Published Essay

2011-10-15T09:58:00.000-07:00

For those who wanted to read my Essay for Chicken Soup, here it is :

http://the-magic-ink-stand.blogspot.com/p/published-essay.html

Remembering

2011-10-12T03:56:00.000-07:00

A large chunk of my dissertation has to do with memory and how people and societies remember. So I have been grappling with these concepts a lot, lately.My elder brother's best friend came over today and we were discussing incidents and events and we realised that we remembered the same events rather differently. This made me think about all the people I have shared spaces with-some of whom I don't see anymore, some of whom I am not in touch with and I wonder if they remember things the same way I do. Chances are, they don't.

For instance, some of the things that were said were absolutely revelatory and even amusing. Maybe we should all write/ share our own versions of stories and discuss it with our friends and family to see who remembers what, and how. It could be interesting.

2011-10-11T23:55:00.000-07:00

I watched a rather horrid film the other day. It is called A Little Bit of Heaven. Even though I was really really put off from the second scene itself, I watched the entire film. The reason for this can be attributed to one man and one man alone- Gael Garcia Bernal. What I don't understand is this- why a man as articulate, as intelligent ( and let me not even BEGIN on how beautiful the man is- and not in a plasticky hollywoody Tom-cruise Brad-Pitt way, both of whom by the way I do not find the least bit attractive) do films like Letters to Juliet and A little bit of heaven?*

The fact that he has done films like Amores Perros, The Motorcycle Diaries, Y Tu Mama Tambien and Babel, has made it so much easier for me to ogle him and like him and actually WATCH and appreciate the films. And now this! Senor Bernal, the fact that you're in it will make me watch the worst films. So please pick your roles carefully, so I don't have to go through the torture of having to watch horrendous films like A Little Bit of Heaven again.

* I am not going on a tirade against chick flicks. But there *is* such a thing called good films and bad films.

Streamline or diversify?

2011-10-10T03:35:00.000-07:00

I have been thinking about this a lot lately- is it better to streamline and write only about very specific things or to have a wider repertoire and a larger, more diverse body of work?For instance, I've grown up reading Chicken Soup books and Tinkle and Amar Chitra Kathas and enjoyed them immensely, but I'm possibly fonder of a Kazuo Ishiguro or a Paul Harding. Should my aim then be to restrict myself,try and write only for certain kinds of publications ( out of fear that I might be slotted?) or simply write for anything that does not offend my own sensibilities?These thoughts led to me sharing my concerns with a couple of friends who thought I should diversify.

My aim is to produce writing that not just appeals to me and to a specific audience, but also writing that has mass appeal. And I don't want to try and compromise on a niche piece i.e try writing it in a way so as to have it appeal to a non-specialist reader. I mean, I can live with my pluralism but will people reading my writing get confused? Am I going to appear to be someone with no real focus?

What do you think- streamline or diversify? What are your reasons for each?**

** I have decided to write about anything I feel like (writing about).

QUOTE OF THE MILLENIUM

2011-10-06T10:19:00.000-07:00

When I suggested to Ma that she should do another degree, since she loves studying

Ma : Tumi MFA koro, ami tahole CFA korbo.

My parents are rockstars. Really.

Home is where the heart is, etcetera

2011-10-04T12:03:00.000-07:00

Everybody knows everybody. Six degrees of separation and the person is your brother's friend, friend's brother, brother's friend's sister, friend's cat's owner's son, and the worst part is, chances are, everybody knows everybody. As a 'burgeoning anthropologist',I have many things to say about this, but we shall reserve my judgments for now and continue with the whining till I successfully manage to cheese everyone off.

It's all well and good when it resembles the first part of the Ekta Kapoor saas bahu saga- which, come to think of it now, feels like it was shot in the stone age. Much has happened while I was away and Ms Kapoor has graduated to "happening" things like Ragini MMS, and Dirty Picture. But We Digress Here.

The point I am trying to make here, and this is a Very Serious Point- one that should not be taken lightly at all- is the fact that EVERYBODY KNOWS EVERY FREAKING BODY. We all know how that goes, with all the infighting and the ridiculously fragile egos which are frankly more amusing than irritating or annoying. A very imaginative "what's up? how's life" when the only real thought in your head is that you would really just like to clobber the person on the head, thank you verymuch. Or hear interesting stories about criminals who 'earmarked' their victims by cutting their heads off and playing football with them. Or about a straight-laced boy who made pie charts and bar graphs to track his income and expenditure- who decided that all of this wasn't worth it and that Macchu Picchu was the answer. Or maybe a penthouse in The Caribbean. Or Angola. (While you're reading this, to me a favour and donate to my penthouse in the Caribbean fund. Go on, do it. Don't waste time).

Anyway, like I was saying in the beginning ,everyone knows everyone.The sexy aunties and the parar dadas, the goodboys, the badgirls, the hep and the coolios, the amazing phuchkawalla who cheats us everytime without fail and we have to pay up irrespective of everything.

And what happens at the end of the day? At the end of the day, You get a lime green T-shirt from your father which says, "Get a natural High...climb trees."
You can only imagine what a stressful day it has been. Thums up, and only thums up can save the world.

2011-09-29T03:39:00.000-07:00

My sister has always maintained that I am really filmy. And very recently, a few hours of my life resembled an excellently made chick flick. I have to write it all down before I forget.

Updates

2011-09-29T00:51:00.000-07:00

First publication in a book- That, after a year of not writing anything at all. I'm still working on my dissertation but it's been too long and I do not wish to sever ties with something I really enjoy doing. Obviously a lot more relaxed than before, but my head is brimming with ideas and I am absolutely raring to go. Over the last year, I have learnt so much and it is time to implement all the learning and also experiment, play with words and language and ideas, and see where it takes me. I've also decided to start painting again- not writing, painting, playing a musical instrument makes me fidgety and irritable and an all-round jumpy person.

I also met a very inspiring person- I'm not sure if said entity is aware and maybe I should tell them at some point, but in some ways the last year has been a pretty low year for me in many ways. I hope I can come out of the entire experience stronger and better. I think I also have enough distance from it to acknowledge that I succumbed to lack of self belief .

All of this said, I must thank my support system. You know who you are- especially the one person who went through a whole lot of it with me. You should know that no matter what we go through in life, the ups and the downs, the one third thing really helped ( lame, I know) and you were really there for me when I needed you. In fact, were it not for you I don't know how I would have found the strength within myself to brush myself and stand back up. I know I've been extremely difficult in every possible way and you've been like a rock. Thanks for being my friend despite everything else. That's what I truly cherish.

From If You Forget Me by Pablo Neruda

2011-07-31T21:00:00.000-07:00

"Well, now
If little by little you stop loving me
I shall stop loving you
Little by little
If suddenly you forget me
Do not look for me
For I shall already have forgotten you

If you think it long and mad the wind of banners that passes through my life
And you decide to leave me at the shore of the heart where I have roots
Remember
That on that day, at that hour, I shall lift my arms
And my roots will set off to seek another land" **

**I wish I'd gotten a better translation.

I will..

2011-07-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

1. Get a Phd and teach!
2. Have 500 published credits by the time I'm 25.
3. Live on all five continents by the time I am 35.
4. Write A book. Maybe the only book I ever write, but write it. Before I say Bye Bye.
At the moment, all seem so daunting that I decided to post them publicly so I cannot back out.
I'm also tired of not doing things out of fear. Fear cripples me, and I am always second guessing and not trusting myself to do things. And I don't just mean work. I mean life in general.
It affects everything- my work, my personal relationships and I turn into this whiney, clingy thing. The one thing that I used to be proud of was my determination and even that wavered last year. However, the really good thing that came out of it is that I finally feel like I am enough. I don't need to do things to prove a point.
5. Travel travel travel. Need taka :(
6. Eventually, be a journalist on the lines of Nick Kristof. Have real impact and try and write about international issues and issues that plague India, specifically.
7. Have my own travel show about cultures

Bhakk!

2011-07-21T01:10:00.000-07:00

I had a very very crappy start to the day
I thought of this phrase today : Idle worship . Its meaning would be useless exalting of an ordinary human being to the status of the extraordinary.
And then I found a Facebook game with the same name.
Love is just a four letter word etcetera.

:(

2011-07-19T04:10:00.000-07:00

I woke up thinking of this person and this and this person today and I suddenly had the urge to sit and drink endless cups of coffee with you and giggle about inane things again.

Ah well, October isn't far away and on my wishlist is many many kababs and lots of things to do during the pujo and a trip to Ladakh.

2011-07-17T05:52:00.000-07:00

Please god, please let these two months be over so I can have my life back?

Funny? Not so funny?

2011-07-12T03:26:00.000-07:00

Maybe I should stop grinning like a maniac! I woke up this morning to find that one of my chief sources of traffic is I teeth whitening dot com. In other news, I did not fail my exams. I have done surprisingly well. Here's hoping that the dissertation goes well too.

It's brilliant weather in London and I have been roaming the streets and getting to know the place more than I have in the last few months. I could get used to living here I suppose, but probably not forever. There are so many countries and continents I want to live in. I hope I get to live on all five continents in my life and travel and properly see as many places as I can.

2011-06-27T05:23:00.000-07:00

Two people I've known since I was a child passed away recently. Both of these people were only a couple of years older than I am now. Their deaths have really made me examine the way I live my life and the things that are important to me. We really only get one shot to be the best version of ourselves and as my best friend put it today, it's important to remember not to treat it as a birthright, but acknowledge that it is a privilege and do the best we can before our time is up.

I hope I can live the remainder of my life with as much honesty, integrity and courage as I can muster.

This day

2011-06-14T14:33:00.000-07:00

Unauthorized persons prohibited beyond this point, it says in white and red. The regular. The sign of a man, walking away into the distance.

The red tiles have leafy green patches, peering discreetly, almost apologetic by their sudden appearance. Upwards and onwards, onwards and upwards, they seem to whisper.

The sky is electric blue and the full moon stares menacingly at the North Sea Fish restaurant. I wonder how many people are eating fresh fish for dinner.

This is the day I will remember for the piercing incongruence, the day I fought to salvage the little scabs that were left of what Auden would have called a crooked heart. I wonder if he's smiling wryly somewhere, having described the human condition in a way no one else can.

This is also the day I will remember as the day I thought that life runs in loops and circles, vulnerability enmeshed with resilience.This is the day I will remember for being the day that I was remorseful and joyous.

The vertical buildings form arcs above my head. The clouds stand still, some hovering around in a grandfatherly fashion, ever ready to whisper to their little ones, "Don't worry. everything will be alright."

Dimly lit window panes betray faces fraught with pain. From the corner of my eye, I see brick red roofs, years and years old looking freshly painted by a young artist's tactile enthusiasm.

As I sit on the portico, I cut a diminutive figure against the love, blood and sweat of the ancients as my paper thin heart gets crushed without the slightest blink.

2011-05-31T02:24:00.000-07:00

Three down, one more exam to go. I've been reading about group rights in Cape cod and Malagasy funerary rites, development projects of NGOs across the world, actors and agents in the public and private sectors. I don't think I'll do very well in the exams, but I can't say I've learnt absolutely nothing. If anything, the course itself has been quite fulfilling and I've read and known about a ton of things I couldn't have known otherwise. It's been so taxing that I definitely need to work for a few years after this and get out of university for a while, but I can see more academics in the future.

I haven't written anything in a while, but I have been doing other interesting work, something I hope to build on and do more of while I write up my dissertation. My much needed hiatus from writing is also over. I figured that the extra practice will help when I'm writing my dissertation anyway.

After the exams, I'll travel a bit and I have a few mundane things lined up as well, which as of now, are too boring to talk about.

I'm very thankful that I finally have the courage to love someone and not fight it, which is usually what I do and then just date someone I don't really want to.

I'm also happy that it is someone I've trusted, respected and done crazy things with for more than one third of my life. I want to say thank you for being so patient.

After a few months of excruciating loneliness here and getting to know the place better, I think I've come out of the experience much stronger and more peaceful and self confident.

Happy Birthday!

2011-04-30T09:16:00.001-07:00

Happy Birthday, Raka. I can't believe you turned 20. From concocting tall tales about giant icies to locking someone up in the toilet, you've come a long way. Have a great year and chew lots of you know what :P

2011-04-26T17:24:00.001-07:00

I know all the creative ways to make Maggi now. Does that count as achievement?

2011-04-08T14:01:00.000-07:00

Swinging between worlds is not something you can do too well. Ideas, shapes, dreams can sometimes only ever remain that. During other times, especially during spring, one can discover and dissuade, dissect and dissolve. Sometimes the right answers are still not the right answers and the wrong answers don't seem to be making any sense either. Having had ideal scenarios playing out the man with the pot of gold who couldn't sleep at night because he thought he'd lose it becomes strangely ironic, even moronic. Then you go to sleep in bed feeling like a kaleidoscope, a bit disturbed and more often than not, heart-wrenchingly numb.

Tired out from the day's struggle you shut out the rest of the world, you read poetry on a stand, you hear things, you see things, you feel. You feel till you can't feel anymore and tell yourself oh god, please let this stop.And then it does, but you don't want it to, because stopping would mean the end. And the end would mean a fresh beginning. And then you'd have to grapple with the realities all over again. And then it would be a pattern. A cyclical pattern that you would break and evolve from, break and evolve from. And then you wouldn't think you were the proverbial phoenix anymore, just a shattered soul somewhere along the dusty streets of anywhere and everything would seem the same.

2011-04-02T01:07:00.000-07:00

I have the best family and friends in the whole world

Peaceworks Reports

2011-03-31T17:01:00.000-07:00

...finally uploaded!

I did some Identity, Gender and Human Rights reporting for Peaceworks while I was working with The Seagull Foundation For The Arts on a different project. The pieces are now available online and here are the links.
Identity Session at the Akshar School
Human Rights Session 1 and 2, Akshar School

See you after the exams!

2011-03-23T09:47:00.000-07:00

I deactivated my facebook account today ( only temporarily, will be back). In the meanwhile, feel free to send me emails and I'll answer them as soon as I'm done. I spend way too much time on YouTube and on streaming sites watching Big Bang Theory, Castle and whatnot. I've suddenly realised that my exams are coming up and if I don't study, I will flunk. This is not a subject I have any prior knowledge of and unlike Eng Lit, I can't wing it in the social sciences.

So a temporary bye bye to all of you and please pray for me! *Shudder*

2011-03-19T14:09:00.001-07:00

I did something today that I never imagined that I'd have the guts to do. Everyday, I surprise myself.

Sometimes, I think that the only thing that matters is human connection.

2011-03-18T17:09:00.001-07:00

I have a humongous crush on someone but I don't feel like acting on it. I only feel like giggling. Heeheeheehee!

Owl City - Fireflies

2011-03-08T17:40:00.000-08:00

2011-02-27T04:12:00.001-08:00

Evil Sundays look good when Sachin scores a century! :D

Not so much when there's a TIE in a world cup match.

I have always disliked definitions

2011-02-26T16:25:00.000-08:00

I have always disliked definitions. I understand the need for them and I have read enough theorists to be utterly convinced by now of its needs. But I've always thought of definitions as social constructs, defined only to be challenged and questioned. When I was younger, I would often stare out of the window and think of words and objects and why they mean what they mean. Growing up, I'd always imagined that I'd be a linguist of some sort. I also wanted to be someone who spent hours at the library, looking up archives and someone who spent months and months in a foreign land, discovering its intricacies. I once blithely told my mother that I wanted to be an artist, a singer and a writer. And a good person.

As I grew older, the categories felt trite and I was also gripped by the fear of not making it. It didn't help when I was asked questions like, That's all great, but what about a 'real' job? I stopped thinking about my dreams, and my ambitions and the fact that the point hadn't been to make it in the first place. I've always believed that any creative work should be given a chance and then, once it's out there in the universe, it's for people to accept or reject it. The piece could be self-gratifying,dreamlike- anything at all that a person wants to create, because I think as individuals and societies constantly in flux and interacting with one another, there is so much to learn, so much to share and so very much to create.

I began to try to focus on certain things and exclude others. The entire process somewhat got me the desired results, but made me question everything I was doing even more.

I will get a 'real' job, but I'm not giving up on my dreams. I have to decided to actively work towards them as well.

I don't see why I can't do everything that I want to do. At times it will be difficult and trying, but I'd rather live exactly the way I want to.

Spooked!

2011-02-21T14:52:00.000-08:00

As a child, I was terrified at the thought of having to sleep alone.

My father, in his attempt to put us all to sleep by midnight, had created a rather horrific version of Wee Willie Winkie. Unlike the lovely, blonde-haired blue eyed Wee Willie Winkie in children's books, Baba had created this power-hungry manipulative monster, who would put little children in white sacks and then tie the mouth of the sack with rope.

That wouldn't be all. They would all be ducked in icy-cold water.

Right outside our house at the time was a mistir dokan* which sold, apart from the usual sandesh and Rosogolla, sorbhaja, cchanar jilipi and their own rather innovative sweetmeats. In restrospect, I think it was a father-son venture and since it was just the two of them workingly zealously to keep the shop alive, they would clean their utensils up until three in the morning and would fry things till midnight. Since the shops were within earshot, I would hear the unmistakeable sound of sizzling oil and ask my mother questions. Ma would be too tired to speak.

My father, undaunted by my barrage of questions, would answer instead of her, "Jomraj baje lokder koraye bhajje". The thought of the lord of the underworld ( I was too young to know about the financers of Bollywood films) actually frying bad people was also an extremely scary thought, but the combination of the two ensured that I could not sleep at night. My poor father thought that this was an effective strategy of putting his daughter to sleep. Little did he know that I was creating newer monsters in my head with each passing day, giving them colours, characteristics and telling myself that they were part of this large group that I might have to fight off, one day.

So, while everyone slept, I lay awake, sometimes listening to the frying sounds and at other times, looking at the large jamrul tree outside the window and noticing a frightened squirrel scarper past, hoping no one had noticed it.

I don't remember ever owning a barbie doll, and even if I did, I think my parents insisted on not getting me any when I was a little girl. Instead, my brother had a monkey and I had a tiger which I named B.B.D Bag, after the buses I saw on the roads everyday. B.B.D Bag is- I am happy to say- still alive, although he has been missing a ear for almost thirteen years now.

Coming back to the question of being mortified of sleeping in the first place, I woke up this morning to a blustering wind outside my windowpane. In my paranoia, I actually thought that someone was knocking on the window with alarming alacrity.

In my dream-induced state, I felt like there were bears and werewolves outside my window, and instead of a happy thought ( them doing a moonlit dance, them having a party), I dreamt that they wanted to eat me.

I awoke with a start, drank some water and listened to Owl City's Fireflies on loop. Then I went back to garner some undisturbed sleep .

What's on in my head

2011-02-15T06:28:00.000-08:00

Dissertation Topic Laundry Volunteer Training
Human Rights Essay on Violence Against Women and Social Suffering
Ishiguro, T.S Eliot and Paul Muldoon
Literature Review
Work on Asylum Seekers. I love Colin Firth so much. Great looking, likes Claude Levi-Strauss and stopped voting labour because of their immigration policies.
BLOODY BUREAUCRACY

Need to fill in forms for accommodation.
Dealing with children
maps and journeys- pointing them out on maps.
DON'T FORCE YOUR LEFT-HANDED KIDS TO WRITE WITH THEIR RIGHT HANDS. THEY MIGHT JUST STAMMER. WATCH KING'S SPEECH CAREFULLY.
Really impressed with an artist who uses oil tanks to create art.
Stress, nervousness, feelings of inadequacy
Thai Curry? Jerk Chicken?

Happy Valentine's Day! :D :D

2011-02-14T00:00:00.000-08:00

Permanent link to this comic: http://xkcd.com/159/

A Love Letter

2011-02-13T03:54:00.000-08:00

Well, what can I say? Egypt is free and there's certainly hope for all of us still, as individuals and as communities to make a difference.

When I spoke to both of you, the one thing that struck me was the disappointment in your voice and tone. There's hope still, and I know it is difficult to deal with living breathing relics of the past. People, places, associations, even non-associations dent the way we see and perceive the world. But it's all too easy to give it up, think that there is no more use and become cynical. You two are amongst the brightest, most beautiful and the kindest women that I know. Don't let these incidents change that. With your creativity, passion, ambition and zest for life, you can have anything...and I mean anything that you want.

I know that both these incidents have shaken you and crushed you, but I also believe in you and I know that you'll laugh this off one day and understand how this does not even fit into the larger picture. Being hurt is never pleasant, but most importantly, know that there are thousands of other people in the world, who love you, who respect you, and who would go to the ends of the earth for you.

I know I definitely would.

Haircut!

2011-02-10T15:41:00.000-08:00

2011-02-08T06:46:00.000-08:00

This is my new favourite website :

http://www.gapingvoid.com/

and I absolutely love this :

Help!!!

2011-02-07T04:51:00.000-08:00

To do this week :

Today- Write 2 essays-3,000 words each for tutorial. And while we're at it, finish CV. Clean room, wash dishes and other assorted things.

Tomorrow-Write at least 500 words for discussion on the Anthropology of Religion. Read for Seminars.

Wednesday- attend tutorials and 3 rep meetings.

Thursday- class from ten to five. Speak to advisors about dissertation

And this is a typical week.

If I finish this course and then come back and do a Phd at some point in my life, know that I have such burning enthusiasm that I can't be contained. Or that I have exhausted all my other options.

Otherwise, it's not happening.

Literary Delights- Books I'm Reading Now

2011-02-02T02:01:00.000-08:00

July's People : Nadine Gordimer

Revolutionary Road : Richard Yates

The Kalahari Typing School For Men : Alexander Mccall Smith

Rumpole and the Golden Thread : John Mortimer

Rain-Charm for The Duchy : Ted Hughes

New Year Resolutions 2011

2011-01-29T13:36:00.000-08:00

I realised that I listed some things in my 2010 resolution that could not happen well, in 2010. So I might list them here again, but they are few and far between. These are in random order and not in order of importance.

1. Read a 100 books this year ( a paltry 26 last year. This has to improve)
2. Watch only a 100 films ( 300+ last year. I think I watched a movie a day)
3~~.Join a gym ( joined) exercise, swim,~~ lose weight and regain stamina.
4. Read 50 ethnographies, fiction notwithstanding.
5. Read the JRAI and the Guardian everyday.
6. Go for more exhibitions at the Tate
7. Watch at least 6 operas and 6 plays
~~8. Volunteer with a human rights organisation ( volunteering from next week)~~
9. Apply for some funding for a project I feel strongly about.
10.Get an internship and then a job.
11. Travel to at least two new countries in Europe, hopefully work in one!
12.Get a distinction.
13. Write the best possible dissertation and hand it in on time.
14. Learn time management.
15. Read up and learn intensively about the following arenas- politics, gender, human rights, education and healthcare. ( Technically, the last two are also human rights, but I mean it more in the policy sense).
16. Get to know and converse with really, fun smart and exciting people who are not necessarily involved in my academic programme.
17. Volunteer with the Globe if time permits.
18.Look for jobs in development, market research, human rights organisations and in the public sector. Be proactive about it.
19.Try more new cuisines ( Tried lebanese, mexican, nigerian, japanese so far)
20. Learn more about the underground music scene. Go to more clubs.
21.Finish reading Ishiguro's novel ( When I finish this one, I shall have read all his published works till date).
22. Watch the Apu Trilogy.
23. Learn to cook 3 cuisines, super-well!
24. Write at least 5 essays for myself and 5 for publication.
25.Learn to be more diplomatic ( getting there!)
26. Not own any more moleskines.
27. Admit to myself that when I am down and out, I enjoy formula fiction, cheesy nachos and chicken wings.
28. ~~Stop having inflammatory conversations with people who say things like "women should just do housework." Just smile and walk away. Or not smile. Basically, not waste my time.~~
29.Have at least four academic writing samples that I can be proud of.
30. Go to Dharamsala if I can go home this year.
31.Make time for the Butterfly Project.
32. Not miss deadlines for things that I am in interested in.
33. Write fabulous essays by the end of the year.
34. Write a book review for a very well-respected women's magazine ( Insert name if published).
~~35.Keep writing on this blog, and write about the book I read/ things I did and films I watched.~~
~~36. Go to more places by tube. It's amazing!~~
~~37.Write more letters to Baba and Ma, to siblings and to friends.~~
38. ~~Not react immediately. Hear people out. Sometimes, they are much less provocative than they appear to be.~~
39. ~~Own more pretty earrings!~~
40. Believe in my abilities
41. Meet at least four people who really inspire me- if not meet, at least write them super-sweet and not stalkerish letters about why they inspire me. Unfortunately, I can't write to Dravid. That would turn out to be stalkerish no matter how hard I try.
42. Learn to walk in high heels without tripping over.
43. Wear dresses in summer.
44.Clean my room more often. Hopefully, have a bigger room.
45. Write at least three pieces a month.
46. Send out my writing more often.
~~46. Find out what "North Face"is.~~
47.Run the Half marathon.
4~~8.Stay off alcohol, mostly. Apart from wine.And occasionally beer.~~
49.Learn how to write a CV.
~~50. Read all the books bought from Skoob.~~
51. Learn how to use the kindle.
~~52. Get better at reading maps.~~
53. ~~Not be afraid to make a complete ass of myself.~~
54. ~~When in doubt, ask the most silly questions, even if they are extremely silly~~.
55. ~~Ask someone how to put the accent on top of French names in Microsoft Word.~~
~~56.Respond to more emails.~~
~~57. Organise more pub nights.~~
~~58. Get to know my classmates better.~~
59. Learn the subtle and not-so-subtle art of networking. Network with the genuine intention of getting to know people.
59. Submit essays to publications in the UK.
60. Write more short stories.
61. Really understand how things fit in within the anthropological discipline by the time I graduate.
6~~2. Smile more~~.
63. ~~Be able to laugh at myself.~~
~~64... and not too much at others.~~
65. ~~Watch more Leonardo Dicaprio and Johnny Depp films.~~
66. Learn more about the work of Noam Chomsky.
67. Read up more on political philosophy.
68. Always look neat.
69. Get at least 10 published credits this year, all of which is good work.
70. Go to the library more often.
71. Read to little children.
72. Help someone with painting.
73. Go on a road-trip
74. Go scuba diving and rappelling again.
75. Teach a class.
76. Visit a prison.
77. Wake up as soon as the alarm rings.
78.Volunteer to teach in a village school ( May happen in 2012)
79. Be more organised.
80. ~~Learn to let go of people and forgive them if they've hurt me.~~
~~81. Forgive myself.~~
~~82.Lie in bed and listen to the rain.~~
83. See the London skyline on a moonlit night.
84. Try to not be fatalistic.
85. Be more open to new ideas.
86. Start learning a new language by the end of the year.
87.Go to more places of worship.
89. Go into a synagogue.
90. Witness more demonstrations. This time, maybe even cover it.
91. ~~Learn more swear words in different languages.~~
92.Add more countries to the places I want to travel when I turn thirty list ( 15 so far).
93. Get a job that allows me to have time to write.
94. Get a job in the first place.
95.Join a choir.
96. Make friends with people from my grandfather's generation.
97. Take good care of health; eat right.
98. Push for excellence; not create boundaries.
99. Try to be a better person.
100. Get flowers to brighten up my room

These days

2011-01-29T11:58:00.000-08:00

are not really like the other days. During the beginning of my time here, days were beginning to resemble each other to a point where I could not distinguish one from the other. I'd look at my lists, fervently hoping that I'd get things done, only to find that the day was too cold and that I'd rather spend my time sleeping under the blankets.

Sometimes, from one week to the next, even the lists didn't make sense-the context, the environment, even the people, everything had suddenly changed.

What really struck me about London at first was the pace at which things moved. I'd spent my first really lonely days at Sardinia Street and written about it here ( The place is so quiet and beautiful that I often grab a sandwich and hot chocolate and have lunch there), I hung out with people who are really great as individuals I'm guessing, but wanted to be more than friends, something unimaginable for me at this point. Maybe I'm too much of a brooder, but if there's one thing I know about myself, while I may be good at everyday spontaneity, I am absolutely awful if I'm pressured into/ coerced into doing anything that I am not ready for in my own mind. I need my own time and space to figure things out, and rushing into something has never worked for me.

At this point, I am in such a limbo- in a state of confusion with regards to what I want to do and who I want to be. The older I grow, the more unsure I am, and I don't see that as a bad thing, though. I think it only means that I am more willing to explore other possibilities than my pre-set notions. However, it also means that I change my otherwise strongly held views on something, only to come full circle and realise that that is exactly what I believed in the first place.

In other news, yesterday one of my lifelong dreams came true. I've mentioned before in this blog that I'd like to volunteer long term with a human rights organisation to push for causes that I believe in. The volunteering will not be sealed off from other activities- I think journalism, advocacy, social media and even rallies pushing for causes close to one's heart are all worthwhile. I don't think that there is a hierarchy of causes, but as an individual there are some causes that I feel more strongly about that others.

I'm actually delighted to be given the opportunity to begin work on it from next week. Unfortunately, I will not be able to talk about it/ blog about it because of a confidentiality clause that I actually completely agree with and respect. However, I might be able to still find a way to communicate what I'm learning via this blog.

I've also begun to love living in London. I walk to school, but I love taking the tube to other parts of the city. I've also stopped being lazy and started attending events and talks organised by the LSE. The other day, I heard Professor Keith Kart talk about the Human Economy. Professor Hart is an economic anthropologist and his new book explores alternative forms of economics and the difference in the way economics operates in simple and complex societies. Next week, I intend to attend four lectures. I would constantly tell myself that I have no time for it/ It is too cold/ some other excuse and in that same vein, nothing ever gets done.

Although, very late, I've decided to list my resolutions for 2011. I did absolutely nothing in January except eat a lot and doodle, so my resolutions will begin effectively from February.

Night Out!

2011-01-22T15:14:00.000-08:00

Me all Smiles At Dinner

Posers : Gayathri and I

Lemons, Mojitos and Guacamole

Gayathri, with her Mojito

Sipping away while waiting for dinner

What does one do after a long week of feeling rather inadequate and even exhausted? Go to Wahaca, of course! Wahaca is an amazing Mexican Restaurant in Covent Garden and my friend Gayathri and I decided to relax after the stressful week that we both had had at university. The next week is going to be no less exhausting so we thought that we might as well squeeze in some fun while we can. Wahaca was Gayathri's suggestion- we were discussing places to eat and I'd been craving Mexican food for a while so we zeroed in on it. The food is superb and the Mojitos even better. The conversation of course, was extremely random, even by our standards.

Wahaca is extremely popular and we had to wait an hour and a half to get a table. In the meantime, we drank Mojitos and posed for pictures. As most readers of this blogs ( read- my friends mostly) are aware, I don't usually take pictures. All the pictures here were taken with Gayathri's Iphone.

Things we ate/ drank- Nachos, Churros, Mojitos, Chilli-flavoured chocolate icecream, spicy mexican grilled chicken, salad.

I should do this more often.

2011-01-21T23:42:00.000-08:00

Early start to the day, and it's heart-breaking. I left a birthday boy a message on his answering machine after calculating transatlantic time. I ate strawberries and cream and learnt to distinguish between sour cream and pouring cream.I know now that there are chilli and lime-flavoured chocolates and I don't really enjoy the cold.And that there is a difference between oranges and clementines.

Skype, emails, gchats-nothing makes it better. Relying on words rather than actions to communicate can only be a part of the picture. What about the lived-in experience of it all?

I know I am missing out on the nuances of the lives of some of the people I love.

Thoughts, updates etcetera

2011-01-18T13:48:00.000-08:00

My sister mentioned to me during my winter break that I am very filmy. Although outraged at first, the more I think about it, the more I would tend to agree with her. I would want every incident to be neatly tied up, every person in the world to find that one person ( or two or three or four, hey I'm not judging!) that they truly love, and finally, every day and everything should have a happy ending. I suppose that does make me slightly filmy, but I also think that it can all happen without the girl being completely trampled over. Anyway, the point is this-I still see no harm in thinking that perfect loves *do* exist.

My friend Gayathri told me to hurry up and start applying for jobs and internships. The deadlines are all in January. I need to start researching, looking for jobs, internships etcetera. Somebody give me a job!

I also joined a gym. I can now swim. Also, many many cute guys! :D

I am officially neurotic. I am a worry wart and I filled in two notebooks in two days. Writing rubbish. I cannot not work. I am going nuts.

Thanks Sherene and Clickety Click Click!

2011-01-16T12:31:00.000-08:00

A few months ago when I had written about London, the lovely Sherene Jose commented on this blog, offering a few helpful suggestions. From then on, we've kept in touch, via emails and through this blog and today, we met up for the first time. As I told her today, I've always considered this blog sort of useless, what with me rambling on and on about my oh-so-ordinary life. However, of late, I've been getting great mileage out of this blog- people I didn't know earlier have been reading it and getting in touch with me and I've been making some interesting new friends, all thanks to this blog.

Sherene for instance, has run the half marathon in London and today, she successfully convinced me to give it a shot, and I will. She also had some great advice for me with regards to volunteering with the Globe Theatre, having been a volunteer herself! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am to begin work on that, whenever it happens, if it does.

All in all, it was an evening well spent ( thank you so much Sherene for the amazing coffee and conversations!) and I have this blog to thank for it.

Before I even noticed...

2011-01-15T08:26:00.000-08:00

My blog has turned three and is on its fourth year. I am tempted to make some unfortunate comparisons but shall refrain lest the gods of the blogosphere get annoyed.

This man, here, who goes by the name of anonymous these days, once told me to keep my blog infidelity in check and that I was a serial blog cheater. I cannot deny that there has been some truth to his claims, but now I am the epitome of blog fidelity.

On a completely different note, thanks very much, my two new followers! :)

Back in London

2011-01-14T12:09:00.000-08:00

So after a much needed break with friends and family, I am back here in London. Unlike the past couple of months, where I've felt completely disoriented and clueless ( and also amazed and wonder-struck), I'm happy to announce that I am wonder-struck still, but less clueless and definitely less upset and feeling less incompetent.

The first couple of months were exceptionally difficult and I found myself questioning the kind of choices that I was making for myself. Everything seemed unfamiliar- the sudden sound of church bells early in the morning, my nameless, faceless neighbours and their Jimi Hendrix renditions at odd hours, not to mention the fact that everyone seemed to be running all the time, busy as hell, with no time to spare.

Sometimes, there is satisfaction in being part of a collective. At other times, it's satisfying to revel in the stillness of my surroundings. To stare at overcast thick clouds and people's thinly veiled ambitions. To sit in a green park in Sardinia Street and watch it turn white and then grey and finally yellow. To remember how to forget. And then, to just be.

22 and resolutions

2010-12-29T20:36:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I'm already 22. I feel extremely old. Graeme Smith was already captain at twenty three and Rahul Dravid was 22 when he played his match at Lords and me? I haven't done anything exceedingly significant yet. And then, while I was trying to wallow in self-pity and think about how useless everything is, I didn't find a single reason to complain about the past year. Has it been perfect? No, far from it. But would I go back and change anything if I could? Probably not. Even the most excruciating moments have been bitter-sweet and yesterday, I spent it with some very lovely people that I love very much.

2010 has been a year of so many firsts and I've learnt so much this past year. The beginning o the year was all about hard work and reflection, the middle was preparing for transition and cynicism and the end was absolutely fantastic- optimism combined with healthy skepticism.

Here's wishing that 2011 is as eventful and even more fun-filled than 2010 has been.

A very Happy New Year to all of you and hopefully, this one brings you a lot of happiness, success and keeps your family and loved ones healthy and happy.

Not so old photo

2010-12-19T18:22:00.000-08:00

An eighteen year old me animatedly interviewing Tanushree Shankar. This was right after our ISC exams and before first year of college.

Another old photo

2010-12-19T18:20:00.000-08:00

I can't wait to come home, but...

2010-12-19T03:13:00.000-08:00

It's been two days since I left my room. And I need to get out soon. It's snowing like crazy. If you've been following the news, you know that the U.K has been hit by blizzards and snowstorms and flights are being cancelled left, right and centre.Yesterday was absolutely awful. I could not get out of my room because I'd injured my leg and guess what I survived on? One bar of chocolate. Yes, you read that right. I was supposed to go out and get some food, but I could not because a. I've injured my foot and b. there was just waay too much snow.

I can't even begin to describe to you the feeling of being stuck inside. Day before, A friend and I went to see an art exhibition at Tate, drank mulled wine afterwards and wistfully stared at the river Thames.However, the injured leg got even worse, so I was stuck at home.

However, having eaten nothing today, I have made the steely resolve to go out and get something to eat and also, do laundry.

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-16T16:11:00.000-08:00

My uncle sent me this in the mail today- it's a picture of his dog

2010-12-15T13:54:00.000-08:00

I finished reading Maus today, after having read July's People earlier this week.

Spiegelman, at one point in Maus actually quotes Beckett who had said, " Every word is a strain on silence and nothingness". This really resonated with me and can act as a reminder of how powerful and powerless words can be, given a specific situation.

Reading about the holocaust and the apartheid back to back made me quite depressed, but made me want to know more. I've always been interested in the history of Eastern Europe and Southern Africa, so I would like to do more reading. I'm also looking to write my Masters thesis on violence and conflict.

Recommendations are welcome- they could be films, textbooks, books, artwork, pamphlets, a website- anything that I can look up and learn more about these two historical periods.

I feel quite useless. I was supposed to clean my room, do laundry, organise papers required for travelling and finish writing a last minute article ( I swear I took on no additional work!) and updating my CV. None of this is optional. I also need to sort out which books I'm taking with me to Kolkata. Get this, I have a 3,000 word essay to finish during my vacations. If I was more organised, I'd try and finish up before coming home, but that's not going to happen.

All I've been doing is going out and having fun. I did manage to sneak in some Christmas shopping though ( Thank you to-do list!). I've also realised how bad my memory is about random things to get done. I have good memory for obscure things , but I never ever remember iconic incidents from even my own life. My classmates think I'm nuts because I have a planner where I write EVERYTHING, but it's only because I'd get nothing done otherwise.

Inspiration

2010-12-12T15:15:00.000-08:00

Beanbags again. Everyone is sitting on them.

I, beanbag-less, am sitting with the laptop propped open against my journal, actually contemplating everything that M said in his final lecture today. It got me thinking, really. What prompts people to do what they do, take specific decisions, make certain choices. M added that he hopes all of us use our anthropological knowledge to inform our decisions in social and political settings which we will inevitably find ourselves in. The idea is not to disavow dominant discourses, but to know that that is only one way of looking at the world, something that, he hopes, as students of anthropology we choose never to disregard. I endorse this view completely. It is very easy to block your train of thought and not allow for differing opinions just because you think that it is a convenient way of thinking. Anyway,the fact that one of my favourite courses is drawing to a close made me quite sad and I thought about teachers who have inspired me as an undergrad and as a tiny speck in school.

I think teachers can really make or break you. I know I wouldn't have ever wanted to be a writer had it not been for my eighth grade English teacher Mrs S. Bhattacharya and my elocution teacher , Mrs I.Bhattacharya.

The elocution class was structured in a rather innovative way.Every girl would have to write out a poem or piece of prose and read it out ( with expressions) in front of the entire class. Even though the experience was horrifying and nerve-wracking in the beginning, I think that's one of the reasons I never get scared or intimidated when asked to take on a leadership role. As a nine year old or even an eleven year old, reading poems in front of peers who can potentially be quite cruel and often downright malicious actually ensures that you develop a strong backbone.**

I remember my best friend Shreya and I collaborating on a short story once. Shreya told me a story about her neighbour and how for every single day for three years or so, he pretended like he had a job when he didn't because he was ashamed of the way society would perceive him. We even wrote skits and plays ( some very bad ones) and I remember directing one of them for Teacher's Day in class five. It was really scary, because we all thought the play wasn't perfect, but we went ahead and did it anyway.

Only yesterday, Rudrani and I delayed a National Express coach because we so badly wanted to go to Cambridge. After much drama and all co-passengers laughing at our antics, we were allowed to get on the coach. I'm not saying that what we did was heroic. I'm not even saying that it is the best way to go about things. All I'm saying is that therein lies the thrill of life- in the small triumphs of everyday. I remember rappelling down a mountain because I was scared of heights. And asking someone out because I knew it would scare the hell out of me to be turned down. And when I was turned down, I felt upset nevertheless, but also relieved that I hadn't cowered under the pressure. We constantly live in fear of being ridiculed, of being laughed at, of feeling isolated. I'm not going to be self-righteous enough to say that this is the way to lead one's life or propagate a manichean kind of existence- the "good" way of leading life versus the "bad" way of leading it, is according to me, downright reductionist.
The important thing, though, is to be ok with being laughed at, because it's all worth it, really.

** For a lot of kids, the reverse is true and being subjected to bullying can really break their spirits. I will never endorse bullying, or powerplay or having kids witness favouritism, having seen it firsthand.

The return of the Puff

2010-12-07T10:52:00.000-08:00

This one is by yours truly, inspired by Puff the Magic Dragon. Was rummaging through old folders and this is what I found.

The food may be bad for dogs, but I adore this ad

2010-12-05T17:27:00.000-08:00

2010-12-05T04:45:00.000-08:00

Just three weeks before I go home :D

Yesterday, I was supposed to head to the Library ( I have an essay due tomorrow), but I decided to take the day off and go to this bookstore called SKOOB. Skoob has the most amazing collection of secondhand books and I am finally the proud owner of the book The Diving Bell and The Butterfly and an Asterix which is called Obelix and Co.

I haven't read in ages and I live right opposite the British Library ( someone throw a stone at me). This is a good time as ever to turn over a new leaf, and I'll tell you why.

It's been snowing almost every day for the past five days. The streets are covered with snow and in the mornings, the juxtaposition of the white snow and such a big city, is quite bizarre. At night though, it's beautiful- with the maple leaves strewn everywhere and Christmas trees which are lit up with neon lights and decorated with golden glitter.

Also, in the spirit of Christmas, most places are having Christmas parties. Our own department is having one next week and I've actually tasted the most amazing mince pies ever!

I've also tasted churros and Nigerian food for the first time in my life.

I don't know whether it's just because I'm in a different country, far away from home or it's because I can almost feel certain things that I felt were definitive about me changing.

I've always thought that I knew what I wanted from life and it always freaked me out to think that I didn't. And now I really don't and I honestly don't think I care. My decisions have always been restrictive and have had too many self-imposed boundaries that are frankly unnecessary. And it took being treated very badly multiple times to actually recognise it, and well, better late than never :) I do know however, that music and performing makes me happy. Really, really happy. Happier than most things.

Article

2010-12-02T09:31:00.000-08:00

This article was written during my first week here. I haven't had a chance to write anything else and have been focusing mostly on academic writing.

However, as is true with everything, things are slightly different now- I have friends, for starters :D

And, believe it or not, I've learnt to relax and not get hyper.

I'll definitely want to be published next year, but I hope to publish about five excellent pieces the entire year rather than 20 average ones. Also, my focus will be on literary print magazines in the U.K. Print magazines are extremely difficult to break into, but I've been dreaming of seeing my name in print in a magazine I absolutely adore. Next year, I just want to write beautifully and have a good life, generally.

These last two months have been fabulous and I will gush about it as soon as I can.

2010-11-21T17:29:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I Still haven't watched the Harry Potter movie. However my incredible smartness, presence of mind and unbelievable intelligence has ensured that I cannot watch the film till I come back home. Which is just as well- I'm totally up for going to South City and watching the film :D

Also, remember all you people, when Life Hands you a lemon...give it to me. I like lemon and ginger tea. And lemons are really expensive here.

I was writing in my journal today and wrote : Must not eat food with fertilizers in them. I re-read it later and thought, perhaps the word I was looking for was preservatives. Ah well, tomatoes Tomahhtoes, what difference does it make?

Guest Post for The Urban Muse

2010-11-19T05:18:00.000-08:00

I began following Susan Johnston's blog ever since I wanted to learn the difference between writing for the web and writing for print publications. I'm thrilled, therefore, to have published a guest post about grants on Susan's website.

You can read my guest post here

Hilarious things I've heard in a couple of months

2010-11-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

Quote 1

You live right opposite the British Library. There is no place in London that is better than the British Library. Amake jodi khaat pete dewa hoy ami British library-te shara jibon thakte raaji acchi ( "I'm willing to stay in the British Library my whole life if someone places a bed there").

Dr Abhijit Gupta, also known as Tintinda, during his recent visit to London

Quote 2

So, I've seen you around. ( cheesy pick up line. And most overused, I must say) You like sandwiches, don't you? ( I ignore the random stranger). Stranger desperately tries seeking attention: Do you live on sandwich street? Me: No. Stranger, suddenly looking excited : Oh, I know, where I've seen you, The Sandwich House on Sandwich Street. ( For the record, there's no such thing as a Sandwich house, but I do live near Sandwich Street).

Quote 3

Boy trying to ask me out:

( starts off by being very sophisticated)

So, do you want to go then? To watch the film, I mean?

Me : No, I have a ton of work to do, you go have fun

Boy : ( calls up five minutes later) ok, I've found your replacement.

Quote 4

Me ( telling Beanie) So, My friend Gayatri and I are going out for lunch.

Beanie: Gayatri who? Spivak?

Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case.

Shiny, new blogpost

2010-11-15T14:18:00.000-08:00

The fact that I feel like blogging now is an indication of the fact that...you guessed it right...I have a deadline coming up! I need to write a tutorial essay on Gift Exchange and the meaning of the word gift in different societies. I should have technically done more research on this because this needs to be quite a detailed essay, but here I am, writing this blogpost and preparing for a long night ahead. The essay is quite complicated, so I'm not writing it the night before. I'm only writing it two nights before. Exciting things have been happening, but I'm not sure I should be writing about them on this blog. What if I sound like a braggart? I've actually never felt self-conscious writing on this blog, but some time ago, someone really creeped me out and my honest opinion is that the person is quite an "energy vampire" ( I learnt this phrase in this month's Mslexia) and should really mind (person's) own business.

On the other hand, there are people I genuinely admire and love who read this blog and I don't always get a chance to write them emails or tell them what I'm up to. I guess I will have to take the email route. I do not want creepy person haranguing me again. On the other hand, creepy-person-phobia is stopping me from saying things/ talking about things I genuinely want to talk about.

Good things do happen, if you just let them

2010-11-10T02:13:00.000-08:00

The stone cold floors of my halls of residence were strewn with maple leaves last week.
I wasn't feel too well, but I knew I had to finish doing laundry before I could get myself something to eat. Doing laundry in and of itself is not an ordeal, but the fact is that no one has time to do laundry except on weekends and so, on weekends, the laundry room isn't exactly the prettiest sight. I usually don't mind doing laundry at all, but that particular day I was working on an article that was really important to me.

I had pitched to the editor of this specific magazine, had her accept the pitch and I even worked on the article, measuring out every single word, thinking about its proper use. It took me a good four hours to write. After proofreading it, I sent it off. Two days later, I received an email reply from the editor. The article had been rejected.

I'm usually quite good at dealing with rejection and I've even written about it in the past, but the circumstances- the fever, having to take time out to write in between doing laundry, the excessive stress of getting my tone right for my anthropology essays, not to mention dealing with a rather awkward romantic situation ( yes, even if you are single, there is that occasional glitch) made me feel horribly depressed. That's when I mailed my friend Alyssa and we had a heart-to-heart with regards to writing and everything else that's going on in our lives. By the end of the email exchange, I was re-energized and reminded of why we do what we do.

After a week of sitting on my article, I re-evaluated my position. I read my article analytically, and not emotionally. I discovered its fallacies. I rewrote it and sent it off to a different publication. This time around, my mindset was different. This was a story I cared about, and wanted to share with the world. If it got published, great, but if it didn't I wouldn't spend my time getting upset over it.

When I first began to take my writing seriously, I didn't start writing ( or start reaching out to independent publications, for that matter) so that people would say, "Wow! your writing really strikes a chord."

I'd be happy if that happened of course, but I've always written to express myself, and somewhere down the line, being prolific has become of such paramount importance that the quality of writing has inevitably suffered. I'm not making apologies for any of my decisions- I think it's all a part of the learning curve and no one person has the same- or even similar- experiences.

You try something, you fall down, you flick the dust of yourself and you start again from scratch. Sometimes you fumble, sometimes other people think you're stupid, sometimes they think you're arrogant and unhelpful because you're honest with them, but there's no shame in any of it, if you're true to yourself. And what's the point of doing something unless you are emotionally invested in it?

I shut my notebook for the next week and thought about how I wanted to see myself grow as a writer. I decided that I wanted to read more, go out and get to know people more ( my hermit-like tendencies come from people-I-don't-know-and-have-to-speak-to phobia) and generally live my life. Writing has, and always will be a huge part of my life, but it's not all I am and that's not who I want to be. I don't want to constantly have to be validated by the outside world.

So I socialised,went on a weekend trip to Birmingham, relaxed and enjoyed myself.

It's funny how beautifully things turned out for me for the next week, writing-wise. A story I had written four years ago about my Dad is going to be published in an anthology ( which I will name once the book is out). A perfectly lovely journalist and writer accepted my guest post for her writing blog, slated to be up in December and a poetry journal announced that it would be publishing some of my poems ( written in 2007). And then, Tarabooks, (@tarabooks) ,who I follow on twitter because of their brilliant and innovative comic books that are governed by the publishing houses's feminist ideologies, announced their Diwali competition.

I had to tweet about what I would do with my lovely notebook and I told them about The Butterfly Project, something I've mentioned earlier on this blog. I won, and now I'm going to be the proud owner of a handbound Flukebook- Here's a picture http://twitpic.com/3599mn and I've wanted the one that is second from the left.

This week has truly been exactly how I want my life to be- mellow, compassionate and smooth. But I know I have the strength to deal with and enjoy the storms and the turbulence as well because I finally know what Mozart meant when he said, " The music is not in the notes, but in the pauses between."

2010-11-05T16:47:00.000-07:00

The last three years sped by and I didn't have even a moment to think about what I wanted, who I wanted to be, all I did was work and study. I spent time with my friends and family too, but I was always in a tearing rush.

Now, there's still a ton of things to do. I live in a different city and like I said earlier, it's not been love at first sight, but the city is growing on me. However, what is fantastic and wonderful is that I've allowed myself the time and space to just be.

Being mellow is a fantastic feeling and I like being passionate and mellow alternately. It allows me to fight for what I believe in, but it also allows me to wake up early in the morning simply to listen to the church choir or witness thunderstorms and fireworks after a long day at University.
Not to sound dramatic, but if Kolkata is like a mother, London is like a lover that I haven't quite made up my mind about, but who I love anyway.

Conversation

2010-11-01T05:53:00.000-07:00

Me : (excitedly) So now I can do laundry, vacuum clean, interact with people from the bank, cross roads by myself, understand directions and even do grocery shopping.

x : that's really great. But what about driving a car?

Me : umm, umm.

2010-10-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

Finally, my writing is beginning to feel like that is exactly what I want to sound like and I'm also becoming the sort of person I want to be. All I need now is patience, perseverance and a lot of time and hopefully, I'll get there.

Happy Halloween everyone. Don't let the ghosts scare you! I had a skeleton staring at me while I ate "supper" ( I refuse to call a meal eaten at six o clock dinner) and it was kind of freaky, but the people I was eating dinner with were quite wonky, so that made things a lot better.

A Comforting telephone conversation and my friends from back home

2010-10-25T12:26:00.000-07:00

...is all it takes to get me looking forward to life again, sometimes :)

I'm not homesick anymore and my life is slowly easing into a pattern. Technically speaking, I have more work than I have had in three years in terms of the academic rigor. But, procrastinator ( someone should ban me from using this word)-err- dill-dally-er that I am, I invariably have piles and piles of reading to do and instead, I'm either curled up under duvet covers and sleeping all day or gallivanting around the city.

Now that things are more or less settled, there are a ton of things that I want to do, but it's imperative that I do things on time. Eight hours of daydreaming is not healthy and I'm not exaggerating. If left to my own devices, I can go on thinking about things for hours and hours.

I also have three new books- one by Nadine Gordimer, who I've always wanted to read, Rumpole by John Mortimer and The Kalahari Typing School For Men by Alexander Mccall Smith. These are all used books, so I got them cheap and I guess I really shouldn't keep buying books, given the lack of space and money that I don't have ( to spend on books!) But ah well, we all know how that's going to go.

I realise my blog has now started reading like an open diary ( an open diary with bad grammar) and maybe I'll go fancy and theme my posts. Or maybe not. Whatever.

Lessons learnt and updates

2010-10-20T02:11:00.000-07:00

Note to self

It's ok to be idealistic, but it's absolutely Not ok to use that as an excuse to be lazy.

I have a ton of reading to do and like I said before, being a hypernerd for me, is inevitable at this point in my life. That isn't to say that I'm not having fun or making friends- I am. But there are a few things I want to say here, so I can hold myself accountable for them later on :

1. No matter how difficult it gets, I'm not going to stop writing and publishing things on the side.*

2. I'm signing up for volunteering next Saturday and it's something I want to do longterm. And when I say longterm, I mean the rest of my life. There are a few causes I feel strongly about and while I think writing about it and advocacy in general is crucial for changing the way things work, to put it simplistically, I think it's time I committed to something longterm. I will write about it here when I start work.

3. I've decided to do a Phd. I won't do it immediately- I'll work for a couple of years first, but I want to be an anthropologist on the field.

**I also have some very exciting news to share, but it'll have to wait for the moment. I don't want to jinx it.

Hypernerdism and other tiny details of my humdrum life

2010-10-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

Like I said in my earlier post, the area I live in is about a twenty minute walk from my university on a good day. On a bad day, when traffic lights are always red ( gah!) it can take from anywhere from thirty to forty-five minutes. I walk from Russell Square station to Kingsway every single day, which is really good exercise, but can often get quite tiring. I also have the same songs being hammered on and on in my head now because my ipod doesn't have all the songs I want and now I need to wait till I go back home in December for new songs.

It's quite cold here now, and has been raining quite consistently over the past week or so, even though I'm quite happy to say that it hasn't rained in the past three weeks. When I was a young child reading Enid Blyton books and dreaming about going to boarding school, having tuckboxes and going for a midnight swim, I always wondered why the girls always obsessed about the weather. Now, it finally makes sense. You can't plan your day at all unless you know what the weather will be like. I always find myself having to dress accordingly before I step out of my house.

The work on my Masters programme is excessively intensive and for the past four days I haven't had time to breathe, let alone do anything else. And it's not just me. My classmates are all in the same boat.

If any one of you is planning on a U.K. Masters, my advice would be to think things through before actually committing to it, because it will probably mean that you can only study. Some people even manage to work despite this of course ( don't ask me how!) so if you can channel your inner hypernerd and inner superachiever, go ahead! :)

I'm actually looking forward to a fairly relaxing weekend though, even though I have loads to read up on. One of my professors invited me to go to a pujo with her on Friday. I also need to attend a seminar tomorrow and on Saturday all the Social Anthropology students meet up for a drink at the pub, something that I've organised because I'm the student representative of my programme.

I really LOVE my academic advisor who said that in order to write like an anthropologist, you need to think like one. Apart from our formal assignments, she's also asked us to locate any one piece of news ( for example, the Chilean miners) that can be deemed anthropological or looked at through an anthropological lens. I know this bit of information might seem a bit dry to some of you, but I've had some people writing to me, expressing an interest in studying anthropology and asking me what it's like. I'm obviously at the very early stages, but I'd love to speak to anyone who wants to study anthropology and would actively encourage it, especially if your first degree has been in literature!

No more academic stuff in my next blogpost. I'll be telling you exactly where I live and what I do with my almost nonexistent free time!

Classes and other things

2010-10-05T12:37:00.000-07:00

My university is a twenty minute walk from where I live. This morning, I walked to university, attended my classes- both of which were very interesting but almost overwhelming in terms of the reading I shall have to do for every single class I attend. We have classes as well as seminars, where we discuss our work and/ or our impressions of certain texts. I also have an academic advisor for whom I shall have to pen about 3,000 words a fortnight. My classes today were entitled Anthropology and Human Rights and Anthropology of Kinship, Sex and Gender. After class, I headed over to the library.

The library is humongous and learning to navigate it will take quite a while. I took out a couple of books that I need to read for tomorrow's class and headed home. After the entire day, I was really tired. I slept for an hour, went downstairs to eat dinner and came up and wrote emails.

Yesterday was a more interesting day. A friend and I went to eat at a restaurant called Hare and Tortoise and had ice-creams afterwards. I don't really know too many people yet and so it's refreshing to get to know someone who's that cool. You know who you are ;)

Article published in the Traveler's Notebook

2010-10-04T15:02:00.000-07:00

I actually debated as to whether I should submit this story for publication, given that it is intensely personal. I finally did, because I do believe in subjective authenticity and my super-awesome editor, David, suggested that I write a story cycle. This is the first in a series of stories of my time in Edinburgh.

I'm a huge fan of The Notebook myself and was delighted when the eds posted this in their "about us" page :

Our goal over the next year is to become the go-to place for writers of all kinds to publish select travel notes and journals, and to continue to publish our unique vision for travel ‘notes’–work you wouldn’t typically find in either a literary journal or travel magazine, but which combines elements of both.

Here is my piece. Let me know what you think :)

Fever and an orientation

2010-09-29T14:56:00.000-07:00

Today was the orientation for anthropology students and I haven't felt more disoriented in my whole life. I have fever and there was an invisible someone hammering my head throughout the orientation. That's irony for you ( and here, I pat myself on the back for being smug English Literature graduate). However, what was really exciting was how diverse my class is.
With backgrounds in geography, gender, international finance, history, engineering, psychology, International Relations and English literature, I know that this experience will be an unforgettable one and I'm going to learn tons from my classmates.

I will write more as I go along, but right now I'm really excited.

Settling in

2010-09-27T13:08:00.000-07:00

So I've finally made the transition from life in Kolkata to life in London. London will be my temporary home for at least a year and I think it'll take me some time to warm up to the city. If I do fall in love with it, it will be the slow, cautious kind of love and not the intense sweep-me-off-my-feet kind. I've tried a few things though- stood in front of the King's Cross station hoping to turn into Harry Potter (epic fail!), tried to remember the names of every single street on my way to university ( not accomplished that either, but getting better at it), tried to listen to accents and place people ( been pretty accurate at that).

Ma is in London at the moment and because I don't know too many people here yet that's quite a relief. Of course, there are the occasional pangs of homesickness, but I've had the good fortune of meeting up with people I have grown up around over the past couple of days. Also, what really helps are the physical, tangible things, surprisingly.

I have a really snug green blanket now and I have acquired a planner- a moleskin to boot. Let's see if I can actually be disciplined and do well. The prospect of having moved to a completely new country is nerve-wracking.
Sucheta, Sohini and Soumyasree- The Auden, the stole and the earrings are helping tremendously. Thank you guys for being so thoughtful.
I've been really bad as far as writing/ responding to emails are concerned for the past couple of weeks and I'm really sorry. If you are expecting an email from me, I promise to write as soon as I can.
I'm also going to try and carry on with the interview series, depending on how much time I get. In the meantime, feel free to suggest changes/ ask questions/ start a fiery debate. I'm up for pretty much anything! :)

EDINBURGH

2010-09-07T02:46:00.000-07:00

AT THE FRINGE

EDINBURGH

2010-09-06T12:30:00.000-07:00

POLLOCK HALLS

ST LEONARD'S HALL

DAVID HUME TOWER

New Found Loves

2010-09-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

I'm determined not to make this a list post ( have you seen the number of list posts I've written for the past few days?), but I also thought that it's important for me to write about my Scottish endeavours. I just couldn't write about things as they were happening because I'd probably just end up writing things like Oh my God everything was so amazing! and sound like a kid at a candy store. There's nothing wrong with that, but I'd like to come across as having a little bit more to say than that, so I'll start off by telling you about the new things I'm interested in ( Anyone out there scanning my blog to try and figure out what to give me on my birthday/ other occasions, this is a shameless hint to you) :

Vinyls

I've begun to love Vinyl Records. My creative writing tutor at the University of Edinburgh, the very lovely and very talented Claire Askew would often talk about Vinyls and I actually went into a music store and conversed with the owner for four hours. If anyone reading this blog knows about a gramophone store/ vinyl store in London, delurk and let me know! I couldn't bring a gramophone back from Edinburgh, but I remember listening to Bob Marley on the old gramophone my grandfather owned, before it went Kaput.

Odd looking earrings

I've always liked earrings but I've tended to wear very muted colours and textures. I prefer brash, bold colours and unusual designs now. I'm not sure if this is a phase or something that will pass. I might even put up pictures of some of my jewellery, If I become good at taking photographs.

Cats

I've always been a dog person but now I have two cat friends. I love them very much. Both are black and have green eyes. Moral of the story : don't stereotype when it comes to cats.

Headbands

Again, the obsession with bright colours. My present headband is green, purple and red. I intend to add to this collection.

Green Eyes

This isn't exactly a new obsession, but one that is becoming more and more pronounced with each passing day.

Independent Poetry Collections and Indie Remixes

Self explanatory

Scottish Literature

I will blog about this in detail in forthcoming posts.

Butterflies

Always been kind of obsessed with them. Stay tuned in for the Butterfly Project.

(Picture taken by yours truly at Palanque, Edinburgh).

I need a planner and other things

2010-09-04T01:10:00.000-07:00

The one thing I've never been good at ( and whined about for god knows how long) has been managing my time. There are all kinds of ways of wasting time and I think I'm very good at most. I wish I could say that I was equally good at not wasting time, but I don't think I could do that without being a blatant liar.

I've been blaming the jetlag for quite a while now. Even my dog, usually quite understanding, is sick of me listening to loud music till 6 am, after which I am so worn out and fatigued that I must sleep. Add to that a degree of panicking and nervousness about various things and I can't sleep till about eight in the morning.

When I groggily step out of bed at around two, I think to myself, "What the heck, half the day is wasted already, let me just go back to sleep." Sometimes I meet a friend or two, at other times I'm reading a book. The bottomline, though, is that no work gets done.

The bed remains unmade ( ugh!), books are strewn all over the place, I haven't written in two months- That isn't entirely true- I have written, but haven't published in two months and I have enjoyed every single moment of not-writing.

However, I do feel like writing again and today, I'm working on something that I've wanted to work on for really long. But from my experience in the last two months, I definitely need a planner.

I'm not complaining about my work not getting done- I'll end up scraping it together five minutes before the deadline- but the lack of discipline ensures that I have little or no time left for fun.

I just realised that I've written an entire blogpost about not-writing, but hey, at least it's a start!

New Goals?

2010-08-29T10:54:00.000-07:00

These were my goals for the year :

Happy New Year Everyone :)

Have a great 2010!

Here are my New Year Resolutions.

1. ~~Read more; eat less junk food.~~
2. Spend less time procrastinating.
3. Write for * Insert Name when published*. I've been published in The Traveler's Notebook !
4. ~~Finish Human Rights Certificate course and Travel writing course successfully.~~
5. ~~Graduate with a first.~~
6. ~~Study anthropology.~~
7. ~~Get funds to travel :D~~

The reason I list my goals ( and it sometimes seems a rather stupid thing to do, to be honest) is because I can then hold myself accountable. I lose pieces of paper and the blog seems a really good way to keep track of my goals.

So I start again from goal 1.

1. Learn more politics and geography.

2. Graduate with a distinction in Anthropology.

3. Get more funds to travel ( Scotland, Africa), specifically.

4. Work with a human rights organisation.

5. Get published in 5 new newspapers and 5 literary magazines in the U.K

6. Not date anyone till I hand in my dissertation.

(This one is exceedingly important given my affinity to dysfunctional relationships)

7. Decide whether I want to study further/ work. If so, have a plan for each.

8. Win a very very prestigious essay competition ( Insert name if published).

9. Work really hard towards improving my writing and read as widely as possible.

Back!

2010-08-29T10:43:00.000-07:00

I came back from Scotland to Calcutta on the 23rd and have been meeting people nonstop ever since. While it's always great to catch up with people, I feel like I don't have enough breathing space. I think I've gotten so used to a solitary existence that not having a lot of time to myself has really begun to bother me.

Scotland was amazing and I think I'm going to go back next summer. I have written some fiction and non fiction while I was in Scotland and I'll put it up on my blog once it has done its fair rounds in terms of publication. I'll also write about the classes, if you're interested in knowing what they're about.

I have a portfolio to finish, optionals to choose from and basically, read as much as I can. I've been thinking seriously about my writing of late and my creative writing tutor advised me to keep working on my poetry and short stories. I'd also like to keep my journalism alive, but I've decided to compromise as little as possible as far as my writing is concerned. I like authenticity in writing, and often one is forced to write differently to suit the tone of a newspaper/ literary magazine.

While I may choose to write differently as writing exercise, I'm pretty sure that I want to keep my own writing voice alive as well.

Letter from Scotland- written on August 2

2010-08-11T13:59:00.000-07:00

Originally, written as an email, but posted here for those of you who have been wondering what I've up to :

So I arrived here in Edinburgh only yesterday, but it seems like I could stay here forever. The place is absolutely gorgeous and when landing, all I could see was green everywhere. That, and huge castles and fortresses. I'm staying at the Pollock Halls of Residence, in Baird House. Breakfast and Dinner are served within the Pollock Halls and I will eat lunch at the Library Cafe in St George Square.

I'm usually not a cat person at all, but this cat is moody, temperamental and really fascinating. It actually comes up to you and Asks to be pet!

The other students from the Creative Writing course haven't arrived as yet, so it's just me and this girl called Anna. Anna has been attending the Scottish Literature programme as well and like me, has majored in English Literature. She's actually double majored- in English Literature and Music. Her senior thesis was comparing northern ragas to jazz! So you can see how she and I would get along just fine.

I was driven to the Pollock Halls of Residence by a gregarious scotsman who told me how busy August gets here in Edinburgh. He started off by referring to me as pal, but had graduated to calling me darling and sweetheart, perhaps prompted by by complete lack of knowhow of the city ( Example : There's not a thing I don't know about this city, sweetheart/ You have fun in edinburgh darling). That was my " I'm feeling like a two year old now" moment, but I was glad to have some decent company after a rather horrendous flight, where three cranky, impolite kids behaved horribly and one of them snatched my blanket. Ma, how come you never gave us permission to be like this? :O

My room has a pink bedspread, a washbasin, a mirror and a rather large cupboard. It looks a lot like my butterfly room back home, except that it's much bigger. Every evening, men in kilts ( and women in skirts) gather together to play bagpipes.

I met my course coordinators over dinner last night and a Turkish girl called Begum. Later on, we found out that we're in adjacent rooms, so we're neighbours!

Today, I get to potter around and explore the place a bit before a reception, which will involve meeting my classmates and tutor.

I don't know how much time I'll get once the course begins, but I'll try to keep you updated as and when possible.

Delhi tales and other things

2010-07-21T08:56:00.000-07:00

So I'm back from Delhi, having met the incredible Mridu Khullar, who introduced me to this incredible hole-in-the-wall Cafe called Mrs Kaurs in Khan Market. It was a real pleasure finally meeting someone who I've known only online- Mridu doesn't just know what she's talking about, but is an incredibly warm, down-to-earth and hardworking person.

Dealing with a breakup is never easy and talking about it is even harder. By my own standards, I am dealing with it quite well, except for the occasional niggling what-ifs and what-could-have-been. Over the couple of years, I've always felt scared about revealing too much detail on my blog and/ or whining or both, but I think that this time around, I've dealt with everything as maturely as I could have managed.

I'm supposed to write a travelogue about Delhi and my editor wants it to be authentic. Should I also write about my thoughts and how I feel or will it then seem like a cheap attention seeking stunt? What do you think?

Do not laugh while crossing the road!

2010-07-15T10:36:00.000-07:00

So my friends Mrinalini, Sohini and Saumyashree and I met up for a cup of coffee early this afternoon. After being literally thrown out of Cafe Coffee Day, Golpark, we decided to try and cross the road. Anyone who knows me in meatspace ( which is just a fake, pretentious/ cool way of saying "real" life) knows that when it comes to crossing roads, I plain suck. I'm completely paranoid about crossing roads and poor Soumyasree was left to deal with my paranoia because the other two had lurched ahead.

Saumyashree tried to drag me by the arm and said Aye Aye (which is Bengali for let's go!). Suddenly, this old man in a grey safari suit appeared out of nowhere. In my opinion, he looked a bit like Moonface from the Enid Blyton novels.

Safari Suit Uncle (henceforth referred to as SSU) :

SSU: Aye, Aye bolo na, theek kore na dekhle Naye Naye hoye jaabe ( Don't say yes, yes. If you're not careful, the yes will turn into oh no!)

In the meantime, Saumyashree and I are trying to suppress giggles.

SSU : Mone rekho, amader desh ta borabori borbor ( Remember, our country has always been barbaric) aar tomra hoccho shei desher odhibashi othoba odhibashini (And you are that country's resident).

Us : Still giggling and trying to cross the road-

SSU : Ei Meyera Shono Shono ( Here! Girls! listen to me!)

SSU : ( more frantically) Shono Shono Shono! ( Listen Listen Listen!)

By which time, Saumyashree and I had burst into loud guffaws. Safari Suit Uncle looked most disapproving. Girls these days, he must have thought to himself.

Interview with Mridu Khullar Relph

2010-07-14T08:13:00.000-07:00

When I first started writing, Mridu Khullar Relph's blog cropped up in my google searches when I decided to pitch to publications. An established freelancer with clients like The New York Times and Time Magazine, Mridu also maintains a website for writers,often going out of her way to support and help young writers. Having built a freelance writing portfolio from scratch, Mridu knows what it takes to strike the balance between envisaging one's dream and actually living it. Here's an interview with her.

What got you started on writing?

Short story: I failed my first year in college, so I started freelancing to prove to myself that I wasn't completely useless.

Longer story: I've had some incredible teachers in my life who may not have pushed me into writing, but gave me so much encouragement and praise that when I hit upon hard times, their voices rang in my head. In first or second grade, when I was growing up in London, a teacher liked my short story so much, she made it into the annual school play. Back in India, my English teacher would often read my essays and stories out loud in class as examples of good writing.

I grew up a voracious reader and actually did write some "novels" in my spare time at age twelve or thirteen. Thanks to the early encouragement I got, by the time I was in college, I knew I was a good writer. I just didn't know at the time that making a career of it was an option.

How has your writing changed over the years?

I hope it's gotten better, but I'll have to let you be the judge of that!

Is there any specific incident that has changed the way you/ write report a story?

I'm not sure that there's any one big event, but a series of incidents, if you will. For instance, I interviewed a blind theatre troupe once and because the story demanded it, I really had to think beyond the visual aspect of things. Since then, I've really started noticing sounds and smells. We rely too much on our eyes, I think, or at least I did. Now I've learned to bring other senses into my reporting as well.

For a story on virginity restoration (young women in India getting their hymens sewn up so they could get into arranged marriages), I thought about what it would be like to call gynaecologists and ask for this operation. Would they be judgmental? Business-like? So I called half a dozen doctors to see how they would react to a patient with this request and got some interesting results. I learned from that story that you sometimes need to experience something personally to be able to understand it better.

I think every single story I've reported and written has moved me a little bit further in my understanding of the world. And I believe that experience adds up. Each is a building block that fits somewhere in your subconscious mind to be tapped into later.

If one has absolutely no clips and wants to be a journalist, what would be your advice to them?

Don't let that deter you! Every published writer was clip-less once. I'd suggest reading newspapers and magazines and finding a really strong story that you personally care about. As a new reporter, I think I focused a bit too much on what was selling than what moved me. And I'm one hundred percent sure that I really started hitting my stride when I started writing about the things I was personally interested in. So find a story that means something to you and then go about finding a home for it. When you care about the topic at hand, the passion shows through in your writing. And I think that's the best way for a new writer to go forward: with passion and persistence.

How important is social networking and marketing for a journalist? Which networking sites, according to you, is most useful to journalists?

I see the benefit of social networking for journalists, not in terms of marketing, but in terms of understanding what's going on in the world. It's interesting to me to wake up in the morning and hear what's important to people around the globe-- things that I don't read in the newspapers. It's also absolutely fascinating to me that not only can I interact with people at the scene of a major event, whether political, cultural, or sporting, but that I can have minute-by-minute updates.

I know others do and have benefitted from it, but I don't use social networking for marketing, but to further a conversation. I keep Facebook fairly personal and share pictures of my family and my social life, so I don't add anyone who isn't familiar to me. Twitter, on the other hand, I find great for communicating with random people and even befriending them. (http://www.twitter.com/mridukhullar)

I'm also warming up to LinkedIn, which I've found useful for finding sources and sometimes, story ideas.

Mridu Reading Eat Pray Love

There are two schools of thought when it comes to writing-one that advocates being a generalist and the other, being a specialist. What is your take on this?

I feel it's really helpful to be a generalist in the first few years of your writing career, not only so that you can spread your net wide and be available to a variety of editors and clients, but also so that you have a chance to see what you excel at and what kind of writing appeals to you. Who knows what you're going to find-- you might become a greeting card writer who pens one-liners for a living, you might be interested in writing for children or teenagers, you might find that you actually enjoy business writing and want to focus your energy there. Or, like so many others, you might get your start in non-fiction but then realize your calling is in writing novels instead.

Once you've decided though, I think the market sort of forces you to specialize and that's a good thing. When editors I work with want a business writer, they have a few names that come up repeatedly. Similarly, there are those journos who excel at hard news, those who are really good with celebrity profiles, others who are more interested in investigative features. It helps editors to compartmentalize their writers because they know who to go to for what, and it helps writers to be top of mind in certain subject areas.

Don't you immediately think of Michael Pollan when talking about food systems? Doesn't Amy Tan come to mind when you're asked for recommendations on Chinese-American fiction? Specialization doesn't necessarily need to have a narrow scope, but it helps if people can define what you do. And of course, you can always keep changing that definition.

How should journalists approach photographers they want to work with?

Call or e-mail and say, "Hi! I saw your website and really enjoyed looking through your work. I'm a freelance journalist and often need a photographer to accompany me on assignments. I'd love to keep you in mind if something came up in the future and was wondering if you'd be open to that possibility. Let's meet up for a drink or a cup of coffee when you have the time."

Typically, since my editors are the ones who make the final decision on who's going to be the photographer on a piece, I just recommend the people I've enjoyed working with in the past or who look like they'd be fun (and competent!) on assignment. But typically, the decision comes down to an editor and writers have little to do with it.

What projects are you working on at the moment and what are your future plans?

I have to say, I'm at a really exciting point in my career right now. I have assignments from some of my favorite publications, including Time magazine and the New York Times, I'm writing on subjects that I think are very relevant, such as mental health, and I'm now a columnist at one publication and a contributing editor at another. The Commonwealth Games come to Delhi in October, so I'm also looking forward to seeing how the city changes before then and what's left of it after.

I'm so grateful for all these opportunities that I've been receiving, but as much as I've been enjoying the day-to-day reporting, I'm also ready for a new challenge. This year, I'm seriously looking to branch out into books. I've been speaking to publishers and for the first time, thoughtfully considering what this avenue could hold for me. I'm very excited about these new directions that I could possibly be heading into.

Thanks Mridu and all the best in your future endeavours!

Mridu Khullar Relph, 28, is an award-winning freelance journalist currently based in New Delhi, India. She has lived and worked in Asia, Africa, and North America, and writes for the New York Times, Time magazine, the International Herald Tribune, Global Post, Ms., Writer's Digest, the Writer, and the Christian Science Monitor among others. She is a contributing editor at Elle, India and is also a contributor to the books Chicken Soup for the Pre-Teen Soul II and Voices of Alcoholism. Visit her at www.mridukhullar.comWhen I first started writing, Mridu Khullar Relph's blog cropped up in my google searches when I decided to pitch to publications. An established freelancer with clients like The New York Times and Time Magazine, Mridu also maintains a website for writers,often going out of her way to support and help young writers. Having built a freelance writing portfolio from scratch, Mridu knows what it takes to strike the balance between envisaging one's dream and actually living it. Here's an interview with her.
What got you started on writing?

I am a Graduate Yaar!

2010-07-07T10:53:00.001-07:00

I am finally a graduate. Woohoo!!!